Have you broken up or been dumped recently? Either ways, you are here because you want to learn how to win back your ex girlfriend and I’m here to tell you why you should write a letter in order to achieve that.
There are couple of reasons why people in your situation opt to write a letter rather than speak their mind in person. One, would be when the ex girlfriend is not available or does not make herself available to you. Two, would be when you do not have the courage to tell her in person that you are still madly in love with her.
Whatever the reason you are writing a letter to your ex girlfriend, you should understand the pros and cons to writing a letter.
A letter communicates only one way, you speak your mind but the recipient has no way to instantly respond to your thoughts. The pro is that you can say what you want to say without any interruption. The con is that there is no way of gauging how well you are reaching out to the reader.
When you write a letter to your ex girlfriend, be honest about your feelings and don’t be afraid to express them. Don’t try to be too polite or politically correct, because this could be the last time your ex girlfriend reads a letter from you with an open mind. Meaning the letter you are trying to write can easily be your last shot to get your ex girlfriend back.
You can write about your shortcomings but be sure to shut up about your ex girlfriend’s. Remember, she has no way of defending herself if you attack her on a letter and you would just about ruin your chance to win her back if your letter is too confrontational. Don’t write about your ex girlfriend based on some assumption and do not assign blames.
you watch this video
If you want to win back your ex girlfriend, be sure to write about “you” and what “you” will do to make things better. You can say goodbye to your ex girlfriend the moment you start negotiating terms with her. You want her back, she’s weighing her options, and this is no time to play hardball.
I would also add that a letter is a lot more personal and thoughtful than an email or a text message. Look closely enough and a letter tells a lot more story than just the text written on it. It contains the scent of the person who wrote it and the penmanship gives hints to the state-of-mind of the writer was in at the time he was writing it. Digital alternatives will never be as intimate as a physical letter.
I suggest you wear a tiny amount of your favorite perfume or your favorite aftershave before you start writing your letter. You want the letter to contain a tiny hint of the scent that your ex girlfriend directly associates you with. Don’t over-do-it and spray it all over the letter, everything is better when it’s done naturally. Just wear as much of the stuff that you normally do and it will do the job.
Write a letter to your ex girlfriend today, it will be a great opportunity to let her know you still love her.
This is one way of winning your girlfriend back when all seems lost or when she has a new boyfriend, but if you feel that your situation requires a more complex planning, I suggest you read the next page. Click Here to find out more.
Oh god, this is so so so difficult. I know you said move on but its easier said than done – at least in terms of closure stuff. I appreciate that not having your ex contact you says “I’m not interested” but for the love of god, I would kill to know why – just tell me why…
I’m sitting here right now figuring out whether I just drive up there or not to see her but I just don’t know. I have a conference to go to you see so I am free and I can kind of pop in to the conference as a guest so I’m unsure. They are both like hours in opposite directions but I am beginning to get a little desperate now..
I’m in her town in less than a month but more than a month after NC so I don’t know whether to wait until then or not and ring her. Thing is – a lot of people’s stories I read and they are still in some kind of contact with their ex’s and on ERC, its a mixture but most people still have some kind of contact. I have nothing; its like one day she wakes up and thinks – today is get rid of jon day – tick done, move on.
Sorry to vent coach but I have no one else to talk to who “gets” this – my mates just say go and find a younger model but until I have closed down this in my head and my heart, I just can’t find the will to do this.
I doubt you’ll get to this before I make up my mind what to do but I just thought I’d share whats happening. Letter was sent and received 7 days ago, prior to that was 8 days of NC.
Jon.
I think I made the right decision – I went to the conference but it was a killer making it as its the only chance really I will get in the next 4 weeks to go up north to see her if I wanted too… oh well, decision made.
Hey Jon,
I need to rant a bit before I reply to your message. I would first like to apologize to everyone who have sent their questions prior to Jon. I was just looking over the messages to see if I received any feedback to the user forum suggestion and since Jon happen to reply to it, I’m just replying to his feedback. One for the forum then, but I should really add a proper poll at the sidebar of the site, only a small portion of the visitors to this site are able to see this message. I’ll add a poll soon.
So, let’s talk about you Jon. I think what you are saying is that you have decided to go see her and I don’t really have a serious objection to that. As you know I want you to move on from this woman, but we all have our own ways of dealing with different problems and if it is closure that you need then you might as well go get it. I really do hope that I’m wrong about her, but that’s not really important at this point, I suppose we’ll soon see what happens.
By the way, the thing about other people’s story is that no matter how similar, they are still someone else’s story and it should be treated as such. Use them as a base of comparison, but not as the solution to your own predicament. I don’t know if you have noticed, but most men have great trouble keeping a complete no contact and that is why most of them are still in a limited contact mode. Limited contact has its use, but most break ups require that you to go completely dark to get things started.
Moving on to the nc letter. Generally speaking, you have to give at least a couple of weeks for your ex girlfriend to contact you after sending her the NC letter, but as far as your ex is concerned, I think I said it before and I have no idea what to expect from her. If this was any other situation, I would object to you going to see her in person under current circumstances, but as for you, the waiting is making you miserable and you might as well get to the bottom of this.
I know moving on is easier said than done, I’ve been there when I was much younger, but for me that one experience was enough to teach me a lifelong lesson that helped me deal with relationships much more maturely. The pain, the regrets, the wait, and the hopelessness, they are all in your head (and in your heart) and you can manage them better if you can accept that people will come and go through your lifetime.
You have to learn to enjoy the shuffling of these characters in your life. How could you ever learn new things if you surround yourself with the same people all the time? If you don’t evolve, then you might as well be the sand on the beach. Life is more interesting because of the changes it forces upon us and we are better for it. There is a time to fight the good fight to hold on the one you love, but even if you lose that fight, you still have millions of possibilities just waiting for you make them your reality.
Alright Jon, stay strong and good luck with whatever you got planned for your ex girlfriend. Talk to you soon brother, take care.
Coach,
thanks – I appreciate your reply as always!
Its a bit late for me to go up north now and my time window is all shot. As it happens though, although I’ve gone south for the conference, the hotel I booked was over-booked, it took me 45 minutes to find it and I am now in another hotel on my own 20 miles away.
Maybe sometimes fate/destiny tells you something about what you should be doing – rather than following what you think is “logical”, you should follow your “heart”. I agonised about it for hours and in the end decided to just carry on with NC for a little while longer (but you can tell I hate it right!!).
I am an semi-pro musician (have been for 20 odd years) so I write songs all the time and let me tell you, there are tons of songs coming out of me right now about this whole situation – which is cathartic but no less easier.
I get what you say about people coming and going through your lifetime and its definately true. I think the difference is when you get a bit older (ie mid thirties) and you realise that actually things do happen for a reason and I’m a big proponent of the law of attraction/synchrodestiny etc – and I met my ex-girlfriend in those type of circumstances – she comes from a town three hours north of me but we met about 20 minutes from my home town because she was staying with a friend of hers… Oh its very spooky. That and the last time we spent together, we started talking about dreams and goals – and she reeled off about 3 or 4 which were goals/dreams I’d written three years previously.
Anyway, I figure that I am going to give her a bell in the morning – I won’t leave a message if she doesn’t answer (likely) but I just want to see if she’s receptive to “talking” because really at this stage, thats all I want is the “talk” to wrap things up. I can hope for sure – and I want to fight – but it takes two to tango and if only one is leading and the other partner is not into the other partners lead, then yes, its a dance thats sure to end in tears.
I have no idea what to expect from her either which is why I believed the face to face would have been easier and more definate – after all she loves “surprises” and that would have been the surprise to end all surprise right
So, I’ll keep you informed either way what I ultimately decide.
thanks again for all your help.
take care.
Jon.
What should I do?
Sorry if this isn’t the right place to put this question but I am at a complete and utter loss now…
So, I was going to drive up and see my ex but I never actually drove up in the end at the weekend and to be fair, its a good job I didn’t because guess what – I rang the hotel where she works and found out that she no longer works there! And that she’d left about a month or so ago…!! And they had no idea where she now works as she had left no forwarding address (at least thats what the guy on reception told me).
So, then I get to wondering about whether when I saw her last (2nd June) when she’d come from a “leaving party” whether that was for her or another friend that had left the hotel.
Then I get to thinking – well I know that she had been down in London a few weeks before I saw her and she had previously told me that she wasn’t leaving there without a job but that her dream was to work in france or down south somewhere but in the country and not london …
So, now I am thinking – well what if she didn’t even get the NC letter! I posted this out to her so that it would have reached her on 11th but she could quite easily have left by then.
It could even have been her plan all along to see me one last time before she upped sticks and left even though she promised me that we would see each other again and soon. And that she would give me plenty of notice if she moved to france!!
I gave in and rang her yesterday – there was no answer. I also rang her today from a witheld number and there was no answer.
To be fair, we normally communicated via text unless we were together. We rarely spoke on the phone as she worked long hours without access to her phone.
So now I am wondering what the hell to do.
Really, all I am wanting is some proper closure. I can always surmise what went wrong but really all I want now is to hear it directly from her – in person would be my preference but even over the phone would be good. But text – its just so – I don’t know – inpersonal?
How can I get her to contact me! I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that its over even though I can hope and want a new start. I just find myself wondering – why and why me?
Any thoughts coach – you know I would appreciate them immensely.
cheers
Jon
hey coach, sorry to hassle you but what do you suggest I do next
I could try the phone again or what about a text? I just dont know what to do next now that I don’t even know if she got my nc letter.
perhaps i should send her a text asking if she got my letter as a starting point? what do you think?
Jon
Should I email her my NC letter just to be sure?!
Hey Jon,
I could have sworn I replied to your message on the 25th, but I just checked and I haven’t. It must have been lost in all of the messages I’ve been receiving lately, I apologize for the delay Jon. I think it really is time I put up a forum for this site and set up an “Ask the Coach” section as one of our regular, Calistus has suggested. You have my sincere apology Jon.
Moving on, what I’m about to tell you is not meant be taken as an “I told you so” so please don’t misunderstand my intention. If you read my first reply and probably up the third reply, you will see that I have advised you to move on from your ex girlfriend and my stance on it has never changed. However, you felt very strongly that you had to give another try with her and I agreed that perhaps you should find an answer to this your own way. I tried to help you to the best I could, but as I said time and time again, when it came to your ex girlfriend I just didn’t have an answer for.
You tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. In fact, she didn’t even call you back even after she must have seen the missed calls. I don’t really know what good all of this will do, but if you are going to send the NC letter by email, then right now might not be the best time. I think it’s been close to a week since you last called her, so give it another week and then send the letter. You don’t want to look too desperate because that will just make her want to run away from you even more, but I think at this point we should presume she already knows you are quite desperate.
Don’t try the phone for at least another two weeks, so basically send the NC letter by email after one week and call her again a week after the email. If she still doesn’t contact you after the email, then call her again two weeks after that and that should be the last try. If you still don’t get any response from her by then, I would seriously ask you to consider moving on for good this time. You started this, so you might as well see it through.
I’m sorry I couldn’t reply to you in time Jon, I don’t know how much help I can be to you, but I’ll try to set up a forum with a system that would make it impossible for me to miss a message. Talk to you then, take care.
An update –
I texted her this morning asking if she was ok and not working too hard and asking if she got my letter? Then I asked if she could call for a chat as I need to explain a few things to her.
No response. This was over 12 hours ago.
I drove up to her place (4 hours each way) and lo and behold, she has left where she used to live and my letter is nicely there waiting for her sister who still lives in the same time to come and collect her post (this was three weeks ago so obviously her sister isn’t coming around that often!). Then I find out that she’s got a job in a restaurant literally in the next county to me – so less than an hour away…
So, I figure I’m gonna email her the NC letter now and then wait – do you think this is wise coach as I really really need some closure on this now – its driving me insane (and yes, I know you said refocus and move on but I can’t yet, I just can’t – sorry doh!)
hi coach, how spooky – must have posted at the same time.
OK. I didn’t contact her from 8th june until 2 days ago and that was only because I thought she had the letter and I wanted to see what her response was!! So she would have seen my missed call and my text I sent her in comment above!
So I haven’t sent the nc letter yet but I’ve indicated by text that I’ve sent her a letter and did she get it – I guess from your indications, you’re saying leave it for now and lets see how “desperate” she is to find out what I’ve written. So I will leave it for now and wait a week until I email her the letter – as the original is lying in the porch of her old house that she moved out of over 3 weeks ago!!
cheers coach
Hi Jon,
I guess we did post at the same time
.
Look, when it comes to your ex girlfriend, your guess is as good as mine. You are trying to get her to speak to you for at least one last time and that’s not going to happen if you push her too much. That is the reason why I want you to give one week for every attempt you make to make contact with her. Let me know if there is any progress and we’ll talk more then. Bye for now.
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Hi exbackcoach, it’s me again, I posted something about my relationship back in June. A lot has hapowned since then my friend, pretty much, my girlfriend who I was writing about previously came back to me, I took you’re advice and became ruthless. She said she was sorry tur way she ended it and she missed me. So from June through till septemeber things were going AMAZING, I was in love again, I had my baby back with me, I felt on top of the world. Then one day she came to my house crying her eyes out, I asked her what was wrong and she said it’s really bad, i thought the obvious ‘she’s pregnant’. Infact no, it was much worse. She was moving back to canada, where she was born and raised. She lived her in england for 7 years and recently just moved back. She mved back on October 7th, well over a month ago. Before she went she was fine, she told me she still love me and when I asked about what was going To happen between us she always said we’ll see how it goes. I felt her getting more distant towards me approaching towards her last few weeks here. Weather or not that was due to her hectic schedule packing and getting ready for the big move. Anyway, she text me before she got on the plane saying boarding now, I’ll let you know when I’ve landed love you xxx. Throughout the next few weeks I felt her getting even more distant with me, writing small little messages, never telling me she missed me or loved me like I was doing to her. Anyway, oneday I asked her what’s going on with us, it felt like she was waiting for me to pop the question. As soon as I asked that it changed, she said she couldn’t do this, we could still
Be friends but she couldn’t continue to be my gf. I was heartbroken, she has left me twice now. I continued to write to her telling her how much she ment to me and how much I didn’t want her to do this. I did this for about a week, until she replied saying it’s pointless Writting you back as I have nothing to say to you. That hurt me deeply. I didn’t reply to her again, I deleted the twitter app of my phone and didn’t check it once for 2 weeks. I went back on there, she was still following me, I had some different girl write to me during the time I didn’t check twitter, I publically replied to her (with my gf it was all done via private message), I wrote back to this girl and that was it for me twitter activity that day. Checked my ex gf’s page the following day and she had un-followed me for that. And that’s where I currently stand, we haven’t spoke to one another in 23 days now and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave it and never speak to her again because she really was my life. But at the same time I don’t like not being her bf. It makes me sad. In a perfect world she would still be with me trying to have a long distance relationship with me. I asked her all the time to try this, I said we’d skype everyday, I’d stay up late cos of the tome difference, I was willing to do anything for her. I said I’d come visit a couple times a year. She wouldn’t have non of it. I just feel so lonely now without her her because all I did was spend time with her, everyday I’d be round her house allday. I think I really cared for her and she knew that so she could do anything and I be here for her. I feel stupid aswell, before she left, I bought her a £200 pandora bracelet, I bought it as a goodbye present, to remember me by, and to hopefully keep her with me. I spend a weeks wages on that. She even said she’d send me dome clothes back when she got to Canada as a present for me, never seen them. I just don’t k ow what to do excoach? Help me please. I’d love her to take me back and want to try this with me because she didn’t not once, we never skyped. I obviously k ow that won’t happen, when I girls mind is made up that’s it. Also, she’s been writing weird messages On Twitter that I think are aimed at me, like ‘your the only road I know’ ‘we found love for a hopeless place’ ‘cant wait to get the fuck out of here #won’tyousave me’ and ‘friends are forever until they get I to relationships’. Im aware a few are lyrics but I think she relates to them because of me. I’m in a state at the moment and don’t k ow what to do. How do I contact her? I really miss her so bad. She has never called me once, nothing. Is she waiting for me to make the effort and contact her? What should I do, all I do is smoke weed and cry about her at the moment, I’m in a dark place. Please take the time to write me back excoach, your advice last time was brilliant.
Thanks
Cam d
Hi ExBackCoach,
Have a different situation. Met a girl a month and a half back and we instantly fell for each other. I have my 11 year old relationship and she had a 2 year old one. After dating for a week, she asked me to choose and I without hesitation chosed her. She told me she chosed me too. After a month, the ex came to the city and just suddenly she went with him and left me. She said she felt bad for the ex.
I know I have this chance to win her back. But she’s coming back with the ex to her hometown> it’s christmas and I feel that I will not do this sitting down. What should I do?
Hey exbackcoach!!
I’d a girl , we went for about 2 years. On our 2nd anniversary, she started ignoring me and finally she broke up. I asked the reason, she said that she’s having a lot of problem in her house and her parents came to know because of me and she want some break. I asked her that will she be back for me later, she was not sure.
I convinced her a lot but she refused. I promised her that I’ll wait for her. She’s in hostel now in different school and I’m not having any contact with her. She said she loves me till her life but can’t go on with me. I am totally unknown about my fault, I asked her my fault but there’s non,she replied. Now after 5 month of our break up, she accepted another guy in her school. I was shocked, I don’t know why she did so. I really love her and can’t move on. I still wait for her but I don’t think there’s any hope for me. Even she loves me, but for now she’s with another guy.
What should I do for now ? She’ll be back from Hostel after her finals come to an end after 3 months. Everyday I see her pics on facebook, I start shivering, I feel so bad that she accepted another guy though she loves me. Why she did so ? Can I get back to her ? I seriously don’t know what to do ?
WHAT SHOULD I DO ??? Please reply soon Mr. exbackcoach