Comments on: Win Back Your Ex Girlfriend – Write a Letter

By: Cameron D

Cameron D — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:45:28 +0000

Hi exbackcoach, it’s me again, I posted something about my relationship back in June. A lot has hapowned since then my friend, pretty much, my girlfriend who I was writing about previously came back to me, I took you’re advice and became ruthless. She said she was sorry tur way she ended it and she missed me. So from June through till septemeber things were going AMAZING, I was in love again, I had my baby back with me, I felt on top of the world. Then one day she came to my house crying her eyes out, I asked her what was wrong and she said it’s really bad, i thought the obvious ‘she’s pregnant’. Infact no, it was much worse. She was moving back to canada, where she was born and raised. She lived her in england for 7 years and recently just moved back. She mved back on October 7th, well over a month ago. Before she went she was fine, she told me she still love me and when I asked about what was going To happen between us she always said we’ll see how it goes. I felt her getting more distant towards me approaching towards her last few weeks here. Weather or not that was due to her hectic schedule packing and getting ready for the big move. Anyway, she text me before she got on the plane saying boarding now, I’ll let you know when I’ve landed love you xxx. Throughout the next few weeks I felt her getting even more distant with me, writing small little messages, never telling me she missed me or loved me like I was doing to her. Anyway, oneday I asked her what’s going on with us, it felt like she was waiting for me to pop the question. As soon as I asked that it changed, she said she couldn’t do this, we could still
Be friends but she couldn’t continue to be my gf. I was heartbroken, she has left me twice now. I continued to write to her telling her how much she ment to me and how much I didn’t want her to do this. I did this for about a week, until she replied saying it’s pointless Writting you back as I have nothing to say to you. That hurt me deeply. I didn’t reply to her again, I deleted the twitter app of my phone and didn’t check it once for 2 weeks. I went back on there, she was still following me, I had some different girl write to me during the time I didn’t check twitter, I publically replied to her (with my gf it was all done via private message), I wrote back to this girl and that was it for me twitter activity that day. Checked my ex gf’s page the following day and she had un-followed me for that. And that’s where I currently stand, we haven’t spoke to one another in 23 days now and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave it and never speak to her again because she really was my life. But at the same time I don’t like not being her bf. It makes me sad. In a perfect world she would still be with me trying to have a long distance relationship with me. I asked her all the time to try this, I said we’d skype everyday, I’d stay up late cos of the tome difference, I was willing to do anything for her. I said I’d come visit a couple times a year. She wouldn’t have non of it. I just feel so lonely now without her her because all I did was spend time with her, everyday I’d be round her house allday. I think I really cared for her and she knew that so she could do anything and I be here for her. I feel stupid aswell, before she left, I bought her a £200 pandora bracelet, I bought it as a goodbye present, to remember me by, and to hopefully keep her with me. I spend a weeks wages on that. She even said she’d send me dome clothes back when she got to Canada as a present for me, never seen them. I just don’t k ow what to do excoach? Help me please. I’d love her to take me back and want to try this with me because she didn’t not once, we never skyped. I obviously k ow that won’t happen, when I girls mind is made up that’s it. Also, she’s been writing weird messages On Twitter that I think are aimed at me, like ‘your the only road I know’ ‘we found love for a hopeless place’ ‘cant wait to get the fuck out of here #won’tyousave me’ and ‘friends are forever until they get I to relationships’. Im aware a few are lyrics but I think she relates to them because of me. I’m in a state at the moment and don’t k ow what to do. How do I contact her? I really miss her so bad. She has never called me once, nothing. Is she waiting for me to make the effort and contact her? What should I do, all I do is smoke weed and cry about her at the moment, I’m in a dark place. Please take the time to write me back excoach, your advice last time was brilliant.

Thanks
Cam d

By: exbackcoach

exbackcoach — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 00:37:59 +0000

One-on-one help has been moved to our brand new forum. Please register to receive one-on-one coaching. ==>Forum<==

By: exbackcoach

exbackcoach — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 00:03:50 +0000

Hi Jon,

I guess we did post at the same time .

Look, when it comes to your ex girlfriend, your guess is as good as mine. You are trying to get her to speak to you for at least one last time and that’s not going to happen if you push her too much. That is the reason why I want you to give one week for every attempt you make to make contact with her. Let me know if there is any progress and we’ll talk more then. Bye for now.

By: Jon

Jon — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 18:57:56 +0000

hi coach, how spooky – must have posted at the same time.

OK. I didn’t contact her from 8th june until 2 days ago and that was only because I thought she had the letter and I wanted to see what her response was!! So she would have seen my missed call and my text I sent her in comment above!

So I haven’t sent the nc letter yet but I’ve indicated by text that I’ve sent her a letter and did she get it – I guess from your indications, you’re saying leave it for now and lets see how “desperate” she is to find out what I’ve written. So I will leave it for now and wait a week until I email her the letter – as the original is lying in the porch of her old house that she moved out of over 3 weeks ago!!

cheers coach

By: Jon

Jon — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 18:54:01 +0000

An update –

I texted her this morning asking if she was ok and not working too hard and asking if she got my letter? Then I asked if she could call for a chat as I need to explain a few things to her.

No response. This was over 12 hours ago.

I drove up to her place (4 hours each way) and lo and behold, she has left where she used to live and my letter is nicely there waiting for her sister who still lives in the same time to come and collect her post (this was three weeks ago so obviously her sister isn’t coming around that often!). Then I find out that she’s got a job in a restaurant literally in the next county to me – so less than an hour away…

So, I figure I’m gonna email her the NC letter now and then wait – do you think this is wise coach as I really really need some closure on this now – its driving me insane (and yes, I know you said refocus and move on but I can’t yet, I just can’t – sorry doh!)

By: exbackcoach

exbackcoach — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 18:53:12 +0000

Hey Jon,

I could have sworn I replied to your message on the 25th, but I just checked and I haven’t. It must have been lost in all of the messages I’ve been receiving lately, I apologize for the delay Jon. I think it really is time I put up a forum for this site and set up an “Ask the Coach” section as one of our regular, Calistus has suggested. You have my sincere apology Jon.

Moving on, what I’m about to tell you is not meant be taken as an “I told you so” so please don’t misunderstand my intention. If you read my first reply and probably up the third reply, you will see that I have advised you to move on from your ex girlfriend and my stance on it has never changed. However, you felt very strongly that you had to give another try with her and I agreed that perhaps you should find an answer to this your own way. I tried to help you to the best I could, but as I said time and time again, when it came to your ex girlfriend I just didn’t have an answer for.

You tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. In fact, she didn’t even call you back even after she must have seen the missed calls. I don’t really know what good all of this will do, but if you are going to send the NC letter by email, then right now might not be the best time. I think it’s been close to a week since you last called her, so give it another week and then send the letter. You don’t want to look too desperate because that will just make her want to run away from you even more, but I think at this point we should presume she already knows you are quite desperate.

Don’t try the phone for at least another two weeks, so basically send the NC letter by email after one week and call her again a week after the email. If she still doesn’t contact you after the email, then call her again two weeks after that and that should be the last try. If you still don’t get any response from her by then, I would seriously ask you to consider moving on for good this time. You started this, so you might as well see it through.

I’m sorry I couldn’t reply to you in time Jon, I don’t know how much help I can be to you, but I’ll try to set up a forum with a system that would make it impossible for me to miss a message. Talk to you then, take care.

By: Jon

Jon — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 18:42:51 +0000

Should I email her my NC letter just to be sure?!

By: Jon

Jon — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:03:36 +0000

hey coach, sorry to hassle you but what do you suggest I do next
I could try the phone again or what about a text? I just dont know what to do next now that I don’t even know if she got my nc letter.

perhaps i should send her a text asking if she got my letter as a starting point? what do you think?

Jon

By: Jon

Jon — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 18:05:46 +0000

What should I do?

Sorry if this isn’t the right place to put this question but I am at a complete and utter loss now…

So, I was going to drive up and see my ex but I never actually drove up in the end at the weekend and to be fair, its a good job I didn’t because guess what – I rang the hotel where she works and found out that she no longer works there! And that she’d left about a month or so ago…!! And they had no idea where she now works as she had left no forwarding address (at least thats what the guy on reception told me).

So, then I get to wondering about whether when I saw her last (2nd June) when she’d come from a “leaving party” whether that was for her or another friend that had left the hotel.

Then I get to thinking – well I know that she had been down in London a few weeks before I saw her and she had previously told me that she wasn’t leaving there without a job but that her dream was to work in france or down south somewhere but in the country and not london …

So, now I am thinking – well what if she didn’t even get the NC letter! I posted this out to her so that it would have reached her on 11th but she could quite easily have left by then.

It could even have been her plan all along to see me one last time before she upped sticks and left even though she promised me that we would see each other again and soon. And that she would give me plenty of notice if she moved to france!!

I gave in and rang her yesterday – there was no answer. I also rang her today from a witheld number and there was no answer.

To be fair, we normally communicated via text unless we were together. We rarely spoke on the phone as she worked long hours without access to her phone.

So now I am wondering what the hell to do.

Really, all I am wanting is some proper closure. I can always surmise what went wrong but really all I want now is to hear it directly from her – in person would be my preference but even over the phone would be good. But text – its just so – I don’t know – inpersonal?

How can I get her to contact me! I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that its over even though I can hope and want a new start. I just find myself wondering – why and why me?

Any thoughts coach – you know I would appreciate them immensely.

cheers
Jon

By: Jon

Jon — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 21:52:14 +0000

Coach,
thanks – I appreciate your reply as always!

Its a bit late for me to go up north now and my time window is all shot. As it happens though, although I’ve gone south for the conference, the hotel I booked was over-booked, it took me 45 minutes to find it and I am now in another hotel on my own 20 miles away.

Maybe sometimes fate/destiny tells you something about what you should be doing – rather than following what you think is “logical”, you should follow your “heart”. I agonised about it for hours and in the end decided to just carry on with NC for a little while longer (but you can tell I hate it right!!).

I am an semi-pro musician (have been for 20 odd years) so I write songs all the time and let me tell you, there are tons of songs coming out of me right now about this whole situation – which is cathartic but no less easier.

I get what you say about people coming and going through your lifetime and its definately true. I think the difference is when you get a bit older (ie mid thirties) and you realise that actually things do happen for a reason and I’m a big proponent of the law of attraction/synchrodestiny etc – and I met my ex-girlfriend in those type of circumstances – she comes from a town three hours north of me but we met about 20 minutes from my home town because she was staying with a friend of hers… Oh its very spooky. That and the last time we spent together, we started talking about dreams and goals – and she reeled off about 3 or 4 which were goals/dreams I’d written three years previously.

Anyway, I figure that I am going to give her a bell in the morning – I won’t leave a message if she doesn’t answer (likely) but I just want to see if she’s receptive to “talking” because really at this stage, thats all I want is the “talk” to wrap things up. I can hope for sure – and I want to fight – but it takes two to tango and if only one is leading and the other partner is not into the other partners lead, then yes, its a dance thats sure to end in tears.

I have no idea what to expect from her either which is why I believed the face to face would have been easier and more definate – after all she loves “surprises” and that would have been the surprise to end all surprise right

So, I’ll keep you informed either way what I ultimately decide.

thanks again for all your help.
take care.
Jon.