If you’ve been searching the web on “how to get my girlfriend back”, I’m sure you’ve come across many conflicting advice. With different experience comes different advice, but everyone seems to have the answer to the question of the hour, “how to get my girlfriend back”. There is the classic advice to court her all over again, maybe sending your ex girlfriend a flower with a note professing your undying love to her. Personally, I’m not a big fan of it. Another popular strategy is making your ex jealous hoping that it would tempt her to take you back. From my experience this tactic rarely works, but it could be suitable in certain situations.
Every situation is different and therefore the two tactics I’ve mentioned might work on some cases, but it’s safe to say that they will not work in most normal situations. The result to your quest to get your girlfriend back will depend heavily on how badly you want her back, but there are tactics that have been proven to work that could ultimately help you get her back and they could prove to the difference-maker.
The first and likely the most important step to getting your girlfriend back, is by accepting that your relationship with her is over. Obviously, I’m not telling you to forget her, but having the right frame of mind is very important at this stage. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the one who’s been dumped would take the breakup much harder, it is also this person who often times calls the ex crying and begging for another chance. “This person”, you do not want to be.
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Whether warranted or not, she left you for her own reasons and if you get desperate enough to become an emotional mess, you are only adding to the reasons as to why she should stay away from you. You want to show your maturity and your cool under fire. Let her know you value her need for her space and give her the time that she needs.
The second step you want to take is living a goal oriented life. To put it simply, live a productive life. Turning your life upside down and pissing your life away will not, I repeat, it will not help you get her back. Spend the time that you’d normally spend with your girlfriend to improve yourself and engage yourself in other social activities that as a hitched man you couldn’t. What I’m trying to tell you is… HAVE FUN! Having a girlfriend normally means you get to spend less time with your buddies. Well, this is your chance to make up for the lost time.
You see, if you try to make your ex girlfriend jealous, she’ll smell your scheme from a mile away. What you want to do is to show her that you are fine on your own and that it’s not your ex or any other woman that defines the happiness in your life. Your girlfriend will soon realize that she’s no longer the focal point in your life, that she no longer means everything to you, and that’s essentially what will make her want you back.
This is just one of many strategies that can help you win her back and there are other proven ways to win back your ex. If you are serious about winning your ex girlfriend back, then you should definitely check out this ex back system, “The Ex Recovery System”.
walked out on ex g’friend last yr. she left me in the pub to go home sick apparently. no txt or call form her over 2 hrs. got back to her place and she was sitting up, tv on, smoke in hand, cloths changed. we never discussed this carry on, i just packed the bags and ran. bad by me but i thought she was getting her drugs on way home from pub. i have strong reason to believe she was but now i might be wrong. i ave contacted her and tried to meet up. she said she could not coz new man on the scene, playing hard to ge t it seems, so i wished her all the best as if i did’nt want her. rang her shortly afterwards , a few days later, and she changed her tune about meeting me, the vibe sounded good on the phone. said this guy was very casual, only tea/coffee every few wks. not romantic at all, not like that. when we met up , it was great, like we were never apart, touching, kissing etc, mentally physically like old times. thought we were together again. since then she has gone cold on me and i ave tried to explain why i left her. she was not happy with this. at the moment it seems a lost cause and she does not want to meet or see me anymore. i do like her. it is overseas. i feel i could win her back. we did break up b4 and i called into her and sat her down and got her back. the breakup was her fault that time and it was only for a few months. this time i ave hurt her badly and there is supposedly another guy taking up her time but i feel if i take the bull by the horns and confront her i might win her back. currently i ave admitted i made a mistake, said sorry, wished her all the best with the new man. i ave backed of at this stage to see what happens. i believe i can get her back but the right approach is needed. please help, thanks
Hello E,
First off, I had to change your name from “e” to “eee” to make it easy for me to search your messages if I have to reply to you again in the future. So bear that in mind and now let’s talk about your situation. I can’t comment much about the reasons for the break up. It seems to me that you are saying that it was your fault and that it was all a big misunderstanding, so I’ll leave it at that. As far as your ex girlfriend’s sudden change of attitude, it has everything to do with you letting her back in your life without the commitment of a proper relationship.
Your ex girlfriend needed your help to get completely over you, does that make sense? In other words, she used you as her emotional clutch, until she was emotionally strong enough to move on the next guy. That is usually what rebound boyfriends do, but in your case she used you as her rebound. Believe me, it happens far more often than you think. For now, the best and if not the only thing you can do is to back off and give her some space. You made a big mistake by getting physical with her without actually getting back together. You basically cheapened your relationship to your ex girlfriend.
If you want to move on with your life, then you should go ahead because the chances of you winning her back don’t look so great, but if you want her back, you’ll just have to be patient. Give it some time and see how things develop, really, that’s basically your only move for now.
thank you for the reply. your advice is excellent. i did make a mistake being physical but she was also instrumental and not shy about touching, it happened naturally, I should ave been aware of this as a big mistake to make etc. I did cheapen our relationship, bad mistake. my gut feeling tells me that this guy is not romantic but it may develop and so be it. I am calm about this because it is possibly a rebound to me and may or may not last. I believe she felt I was the right guy for her and thought marriage but I was not so quick to think this because of overseas issue and she also has a 13yr old daughter, that she has every 2nd wk end. I actually got on superb with the daughter but I was always realistic longterm about settling down. I knew it would take 3 or 4 yrs to make this big decision but whats more impt. is what I do now. certainly I ave accepted that the situation is not retrievable and I ave helped her move onto to the next guy emotionally. she does ave a history, certainly of one ex b’friend doing heavy drugs (coke or heroine), and a guy she went out with for 9yrs got alot of women through drug use behind her back apparently. I never believe everything a woman tells me but try to get a clear picture. there is to much ref. to her life to suggest she is innocent of drug taking at some stage. I do not assume she was anyway involved with drug taking but it does hint at it. and also when we got back together after a brief breakup she had a bag of weed/marijuana in her house so it does suggest she has/is involved with drugs in someway. I feel maybe she is turning her back on drugs including her time with me and associates our relationship with this in her mind. there is alot more detail to what went wrong but certainly thanks again for your response. your are correct in your asssessment.
hi again. I would like to add more detail to why I walked away on suspected drug problem with my ex’girl’nd. It was not the 1st time i felt there was something wrong or different about her in the pub we used to frequent. although she was a smoker there always seemed to be an uneasiness about her in this pub as if she was looking for something and made a point of visiting the front door for smoke rather than smoking area out the back. it was only in this pub that her behaviour seemed restless and figity. it is the usual place at front door where drug deals happen with dealers etc., around this suburb of this city and drugs are a problem in this city and so are guns. I noticed her on a previous occasion seeming sick and irritated, figity, cold hands, restless and after a 20-25min spell at the front door she came back relaxed , said “I M ALL RIGHT NOW BABE” to me and she seemed content and satisfied and her hands were warm and the figgiting stopped. it defo struck me as sinister and it seemed she got something to make her feel better. The night I walked away, that day it was her b’day and she made a point on more than one occasion of getting to this pub on the way home even though she was’nt feeling well and was figity, restless, cold hands which again all disappeared that night when I got back to her house after she left me alone in the pub. this is what convinced me to walk as I believed I saw a repeat of her symtoms possibly drug related. I am just giving a birds eye view of How i saw things. there are symtoms ere of drug addiction and also symtoms of diabetes which is why I am admitting I made a mistake. you may ask why I would like to get back with this girl it is because I realise with all her faults we were still happy together and i am willing to work to make things better even it is a drugs problem but its a big ifff… thanks for your time. eee
Hello eee,
I understand why you want your ex girlfriend back in spite of all her flaws and as much as I would like to tell you that there is an easy way to get her back, I’m afraid the only way to get it done is with lots and lots of patience. I still believe you should try to move on with your life, but I suppose you made it clear that you want her back and I will do what I can to help you out.
I believe eventually she will seek you out again for stability and protection. If her drug problem is for real, then you were probably the only connection in her life to the normal world and without you, she will slowly lose grips with reality and she will need you back in her life. I don’t know if this is a good thing for you, but from where I see, you seem like the only good man that ever came into her life.
If you were her family, then you could be more proactive in dealing with her drug addiction, but reality calls that you wait until she comes back to you for support. This is going to take so much time and effort in your part and I’m very much against you trying to get her back. There’s going to be so much waiting involved and I just think you could do so much more with your time.
Anyways E, let her ride it out for now and wait until she comes back. I’m pretty sure she will reach out to you in the near future. She might straight up ask you to take her back or she might just come back for your support, but either ways I don’t think she lasts long without you. The real difficult task would be in getting her off the drugs and helping her get clean. Wait, that’s your best option for the time being. You know where to find me if you would like to discuss this further. Bye for now.
thank you for your reply again. your opinion is very helpful and I do appreciate your time and effort. I sent a message similar to this earlier but it seems to be lost en route to you. My plan is to sit back and wait now, stay calm and get a clear head, i cannot allow my emotions to rule my thinking. I have already made silly mistakes so far and I suppose many men in my situ have done the same. I really have researched how to win this girl back and I now have a plan. I believe this girl needs security and I must prove myself reliable to her. I believe she thinks i am not there for the long haul, that i only enjoy her company when things are going well but at the drop of a hat could leave her. I am realistic about overseas but I believe let nature take its course here. she feels I left her cause of her illness and thinks I can’t handle her luggage. I plan to write her a hand written letter if she does not contact me over the next say 4 or 5 months. i will write the letter from my country and post it. I intend to tap into her emotions with it. It will be short, honest, warm and positive but i won’t make it seem sleezy to get her back. I will take responsibility for what went wrong. she did leave me a touching note last yr which i kept and read and it does give me a great lift to think she thought enough of me to do this. i may or may not mention this in my letter. i intend to leave her the option to contact me anytime it suits her. I am here to win her back even if it takes the guts of another yr, perhaps another woman will come along in the mean time, who knows but this girl and I were very suited, many people told us this. If there is success in the future i will deal with the drugs issue if and when we connect again and things are going well. we always had a brilliant understanding , that was our strength. thanks again, I hope this message gets through this time. eee
Hi again, just to clarify one thing with this girl. I realise alot of information has been given by me recently. I left this girl because I suspected she was taking drugs secretly and had a drug problem. this girl is a serious diabetic and can be ill suddenly, i may have got my wires crossed, i admit this and she knows i admit this. she believed I left her because I could not handle her illness. we both know what each other thinks about what happened. I am glad she knows now why I left her, although she is not impressed with this. i have maintained the truth since we got back in contact around xmas. this is all i have to say about things for the moment, thanks
Hello eee,
I’m sorry to hear that your message got lost, it’s never happened before, but I’ll look into it and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Well anyways, I got to learn a lot more about your situation with your latest message and it seems like you might have said some things that you weren’t so sure, because your emotions were running high. In any event, I understand you feel very strongly about winning your ex girlfriend back and I respect that. You have a plan now and you should go ahead with it to find out for yourself what the future holds for you.
Feel free to come back anytime you like to discuss your situation. I’ll be rooting for you E, so good luck and take good care of yourself. Bye now.
thanks again for your reply and support. i needed this help and it has definitely given me a better perspective on the situ and structured plan. backing away for some time is the right thing to do and then see. At the moment i am a bit to eager and easy so lets turn the tables and be absent for awhile. I know much patience is required. eee
Hello eee,
I’m glad I was able to be some sort of help and I’m happy to see that you are handling your situation well. I understand that some things you just have to see through to have the peace of mind. I’m not completely against you going after your ex. After all, it’s a learning experience regardless of the outcome and if you know what you are getting into, then you can only gain from it. Good luck and come back to let us know how things went buddy. Bye for now.
thanks. I certainly will get back to you and let you know how things go. backing off is key and a fresh start with the personal letter seems to be the way to go in a few months if i still want her back. just need to get in contact again with her without coming on to her. this girl needs time and I need to take things very slowly. you have been so helpful regardless of the outcome. eee
Hi again. as soon as I make plans to cool off trying to get my ex girl f’d back and come up with a plan to back away for few months, I get a txt of her. its unbelievable. this is the 1st time she has initiated contact with me since I’ve been trying to get her back since xmas. its because i have backed of i suppose and wished her all the best with her new man. it was a late txt on fri nite around 23:30 just saying hi to me and how i was doing and to enjoy the wkend, she also apologised for txting me so late. i think she was at home and did have her daughter dat wkend and she was defo just chilling dat nite in her house because having daughter means she is playing mother dat wkend , i am very sure of this. i think it is significant to txt me at all. I did not answer her txt until sunday because i did not want to be to eager and also to show her that she is not the main priority for me since she claims she is seeing someone else. i did answer her on sunday afternoon to say hi and my weekend was going well and dat i had no phone credit to txt her back until sunday. she did not reply to me which i am ok about. I just need a little bit of neutral advice here. I am very calm but quietly confident since she has contacted me for once and it is not me doing the work. i will continue to back of and see if she contacts me again. you did predict she would contact me which was a great call by you. i still need more concrete signals from her that she is intersted in me again but i think it looks good unless the txt she sent me was just a once off and random. i am weary but cool about this and am above all else very patient with her but its a good sign i think that she is possibly beginning to miss me in her life and the tide is turning in my favour a little. fingers crossed. Am i correct in your opinion to stay cool and wait this out even though she has contacted me. i think its the thing to do. thanks
Hey eee,
Well then, things are working out, thanks in large part to your ability to keep your emotions in check. Anyhow, this is only the beginning of things and as you have said, you need a much more concrete signal that she wants you back. Keep doing what you’ve been doing so far and give her a little more time. In your situation, I just don’t think that there’s much that you will have to do but wait, she needs you in her life and she will be back to you as long as you let her do that on her own.
I don’t know that it’s necessarily a good thing for you that she might come back, but it’s what you want and I think it will happen. Let her come to you, but if she reaches out to you, say she wants to have a conversation with you over a coffee or something, then you should definitely give her a chance, unless of course she sets some condition like “just as a friend” bs. Keep it up eee and let me know how things progress. Take care buddy.
Hi. its been a few months and there has been no contact at all between my ex-girlfriend and I, as probably expected. I am still patient but I feel since she has not contacted me there is a window of time/opportunity were I may need to probe a little to instigate her coming back if at all. I still feel she may want to feel wanted as i did hurt her badly and I must show a tiny bit of interest in her but not come on strongly. my plan is still to send her a personal letter perhaps in 10 weeks or so but not a love letter. I plan to explain why I have not been in touch because she had met someone else and it seemed fair that i back off. I also plan to take the blame for our break up and remind her that even though it happened i was still very happy with her company and always at ease and felt at home with her and say I appreciated her company and way she treated me. i also plan to tell her that there can’t always be good times and i accept this. i plan to finish the note with a simple joke about her gym workouts and then tell her it would be nice to hear from her sometime. thats my plan… something down to earth , simple but try to make her feel good about herself but I don’t want to look desperate. I really think its the only course of action I can take. your advice here would be great thanks. I have left things alone for over 17wks at this stage.
Eee, before you send her a letter you should have a good hard think about what you put.. because any sign of neediness will instantly start to decrease your chances of getting her even as a friend.
You should tell her that breaking up was right and that you thank her for the good times shared. That you realise what went wrong and how it could have been fixed, interestingly you have a lot going on right now and maybe someday she’ll find out over a coffee or a quick bite to eat. You wish her the best and hope that you can both be friends in the future.
Sounds like your not looking to get back with her right? That’s the idea. If you take any ‘blame’ in your letter, make sure it’s just a light apology but not too much of one. Make your letter brief, straight to the point, honest with a tint of curiosity in there. Thats about all you need..after that you should go back to your own life and live it. I’m not saying that you should give up if she doesn’t recopricate because the chances are you won’t see instant effects, but you should definitely go into No Contact for your own good and maintain your positive emotions for moving on and being a confident person who believes in their abilites.