Is the thought your ex girlfriend being with another man just killing you on the inside? Even if you don’t have feelings for an ex girlfriend, learning about her dating again is unpleasant at the very least. Now, if you still have feelings for your ex, then you can multiply the unpleasantness by about a thousand fold. There is however, a way to win back your ex girlfriend from her new boyfriend. The plan is simple enough, but it will seriously test your patience to its absolute limit. If you are ready for the challenges ahead, then this plan will put you on the right track.
Phase 1 – Let go of her and the past
Avoid at all cost being labeled a desperate ex boyfriend. There is a very fine line between that of a stalker and an ex boyfriend who just can’t let go of the past. Convince her that you have moved on and leave the past in the past where it belongs. The plan is to start something new with your ex girlfriend, because trying to fix what’s broken down beyond repair is futile. If you want her to come to back, then is only logical that you first let her go.
Phase 2 – Invest some time in yourself
Stay away from your ex girlfriend for a month or two, this is both a strategic need and an emotional need at the same time. If you can recall the first couple of months of your relationship with your ex girlfriend, then you shouldn’t have trouble figuring out that there is nothing you can do to stop her from seeing her new boyfriend at this juncture. The real relationship starts after the honeymoon period and that’s when relationships start to get tested.
There’s also the fact that you need this time to complete the phase 1 of this plan and not to mention the fact that you will have to make some major improvements on yourself. Successfully completing phase 1 will have you mentally prepared for the challenges ahead, but next you will have to make some improvements to your physical appearance. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, and start dressing up a little. Wear casual clothes everywhere for one week and then try wearing formal and semi-formal clothes for an entire week the week after. You will notice an enormous difference in the way you carry yourself depending on the clothes you wear and more importantly people around you will notice those changes as well. You don’t necessarily have to go out and get yourself a new suit, all it means is that you should dress for success. Keeping yourself fit will give you a huge boost of self-esteem and your new set of wardrobes will get you noticed even more.
Phase 3 – Wait for your chance
Here’s the good news, no relationship is trouble free forever and your ex girlfriend’s new relationship will start to get tested on the first month or the second. This is especially true in your ex’ case because her new boyfriend is likely just a rebound guy and rebound relationships don’t last long.
If she dumps the new guy, she will inevitably start thinking about you, the last real boyfriend. But then if she’s the one who ends up getting dumped, then you are in a perfect spot to save her when she is most vulnerable.
In the event that her new relationship continues on, you will have to change your tactic and approach her under the cover of friendship. Don’t ever make the mistake of letting her know that you still have feelings for her and make it convincing enough that all you want is her friendship. If you have been away from your ex for couple of months or more, then it shouldn’t be much challenge to convince your ex that the two of you should be friends.
This friendship will stir small but persisting problems with the new boyfriend and it will be enough to subtly put yourself between your ex girlfriend and her new man. Once you have maneuvered into this position, you won’t have to do much to break them apart.
If you believe your situation requires a more complex plan to successfully get your ex girlfriend back, then this extensive 3 Part Professional ex back system (with bonus one-on-one email coaching) is what you need. Check out “The Ex Squared System” and give yourself the best shot at winning her back.
Well I don’t feel happy being just her friend and being there when she needs me. She vary well knos I wish I had her back and she says I don’t want you back that she cannot get over the past and her new bf makes her very happy by kissing her butt. I decided to call it quits and have no contact with her other than real quick to pick up the kids. I want her to experience life without me as she thinks I was so terrible in the past that I will always be this way and I no this just isn’t true. Sure I have the option to be her friend but so what talking to her on the phone and being around her is not the same as being her bf and I cannot fake it. I feel if she can do without me her whole life completely then I did the right thing because I sure am not going to get anywhere trying to be nice to her hoping she will come back someday shes not dumb. She would want to be friends for her benefit not mine. I know 3 som years ago we broke up and she had a new bf and I told her im not going to be just your friend so until your single im going my separate way and eventually when they broke up she came back to me now she is older now and I am not sure if that will work again but I sure was much happier not having her in my life as just a friend. I mainly want her back so the boys can have the real mom and dad raise them instead of two differen’t families doing it even though she finds it very common. I was honest with you when I had my first parenting time from not seeing her a whole month and a half she was touchy and close to me physically it wasn’t until I tried to convince her to give me another chance before things started going downward. She originally hid the fact she had a bf now I know exactly who the guy is she used to talk about him when we were dating. She said she never thought about dating him until that guy broke up with his girl and started taking in interest in my ex. It is very sad to know that I won’t get what I want that to much damage has been done. I know it’s about her feelings, attraction and I have no idea how to do it except the no contact rule have her miss having me in her life that’s all I can think of. I hope the 2 min she sees me when we pass the kids back and forth is not enough time for her to get over what I am trying to accomplish. I am giving her space to find out what she wants and somehow I have to make her think im a good option when it comes to longterm I mean from going from engaged to saying I don’t ever plan on getting married is being a totally different person.
Exbackcoach I mean she broke up with me for one week.. And because of she was seeing my blog day by day, I complained her about getting close to those guys, I was jealous… And that could push her to accept him since she was also interested on him… But when they both started together, after one week they broke up… I think he isn’t her type and it was something like rebound.. If I didn’t complain her much she wouldn’t accept him either… That’s what I think..
Hey exbackcoach.. She is now in the same country and city with me.. She will go back to US after 1 month.. So in this one month can I get to be close to her??
Sorry I mean she broke up with me for one month* and she accepted him… After broke up with me the next day she started her summer session, so for that one month they both were close… And after one month they accepted to be couple and after one week being couple they broke up…
Nathan,
Regardless of whether or not one is trying to get an ex back, the best course of action is to stay as far away as possible from the ex and to take some time for yourself. Unfortunately for you, I know that this is not an option. I know that dealing with your situation has to be 10 times more difficult than your average “boyfriend-girlfriend” split. In spite of that all Nathan, you should have known that trying to win back her love was never going to be easy.
I know you are not happy with just being friends with her, but you should know that there are going to be lots of things that you do not like and don’t want to deal with until the day you get her back. This was never about instant gratification and we were supposed to jog across the finish line, not sprint. Remember what said on one my first post? I said this was going to be a “marathon”.
If you want to stop being friends with your ex girlfriend, then by all means do what you feel you must do. But I think you took this friendship thing to the extreme, by your own words you said you were too nice to her and that she wants to be friends for her own benefit. We both know that being friends doesn’t mean that you give everything and say yes to every request. It feels like you are always trying to sprint when you should be jogging and pacing yourself to the finish line.
This was never about being overly nice to her so she’d come back out of gratitude. You are in a unique situation that in which you constantly and regularly have to meet her and speak to her. This means it’s best that you keep a civil and friendly relationship with your ex for both your children and also to reach your goal to win her back some day.
Let’s go back to the first time when I replied to your question. This is what I told you and I quote myself “I believe you have to let her explore her options and let her ride this out on her own”. And this is from the second time I replied to you and I quote myself “Live your life normally as you would and date new people if the opportunity arises. Just live your life and stick around and I promise you that you’ll see small cracks where you can squeeze in and turn it into a big hole. “
My advice is still the same. Live your life for yourself and take a shot at her again when and if the opportunity should appear. I don’t mention the children because the children are first priority and that’s just a given, no need to debate on that. It’s quite obvious that the process of getting her back is just eating you up in the inside and perhaps is best that you take a step back and consider a life without her as a partner.
I know that you want to have your family back together for your children as well, but we both know a couple can’t stay together for the sake of the children only. Be open to many possibilities and don’t limit yourself to a single choice. I should have anticipated that you were still in a state of panic from the break up and looking back, maybe I should have advised you to accept the break up first.
You have to find the strength in you to get past this Nathan and as ironic as it might sound, I think it is best that you truly move on with your life without her if you ever hope to have another chance with her one day. With your state of mind right now, I don’t think you will be able to deal with the feelings that come with being “friends” with an ex.
Johny,
Don’t take this as an insult of any kind, but if I have to poke in the dark, I would guess that you and your ex girlfriend are both very young people. You are in a stage of life when small and big changes are constant and you probably enjoy that to a certain extent.
Let me ask you a question Johny. What do you expect to achieve in the month that she comes back from the US? Even if she were to go out with you again when she comes back and I will tell you right now she probably will. What do you think will happen when the month is up? I will tell you what will happen. She will go back to the US, and if she hasn’t broken up with you before she left, then she will break up with you once there.
If you want to spend that one month with her, then by all means, it’s your life. But if you think that it’s going to last… I have to be honest with you Johny, it’s not. You don’t need my advice on how to court her back once she comes back. I think you’ll be more than able to manage that and you will with ease.
I’m running out of things to tell you Johny. Best of luck to you my young friend.
LOL.. Thanks you so much for your advice… Hmm next 3 months I am going to US.. My mum just told me.. And whatsoever… I will listen to you.. OK?? Thanks so much for advices… I wish when I get back with her, it won’t happen like that again..
Yes I am trully moving on dating other women and I am also only being friendly with her when I must see her like when I exchange the boys or go to their doctor appointment etc so she knows im not a mean person that I just am not gonna be there for her to talk to when shes bored or someone to hangout with as friends only. She pretty much says your forced to see me the next 18 years and that shes ok with me not being her friend and doing my own thing. I simply told her until your single I don’t want to talk to you I have my own life. She didn’t exactly seem thrilled to the idea as she said I know longer will show up at your parenting times and called me a jerk etc but she accepted it. I just know better that the guy shes with will not last longterm and shes basically wasting her time with this guy because he likes to cuddle and take her places all the time and other things. Shes not looking at the big picture which is a longterm relationship she is making up for the young years I took away from her looks like. I am doing ok now but I am very curious how she will go about contacting me when she does become single or if she will just find a rebound bf after him. You would think since we will always live close by it would be hard for her to get rid of the baby daddy for life. I guess it is a real challenge to win a girls heart back after being so mean to her and any technique of being nice she will take it as being a kiss ass or doing it to try and win her back no matter what my motive is. Do you think no contact except for when we exchange the kids etc when she becomes single she will be more open to get to know the new me way down the road? I do beleive its the best interest to be a couple for the kids sake as long as both people put in effort to make each other happy. I didn’t do my part back then because I was selfish but I am more than willing to be that great guy I realize what I lost. I feel like im in control now instead of her telling me go find a new gf I don’t want you back but I want you to be my friend and talk to me and occasionally do things with me when I need things etc. If I did all those things and was there for her she would have no reason to need me for anything more than a friend. When I was on her myspace when I was friends half of her pictures had me in it mostly with the boys so that tells you something right there. Any new man will have to accept the fact her ex will be around for a very long time and will be taking care of the kids half the time so they can’t expect to have a life of their own. They will also have to accept no more children as she does not want anymore. At this moment she has her mothers help with the kids quite a bit so she has time to go out with her bf if not I highly doubt they would be together today. She has not had full responsibility of the kids when dads not around she is getting off easy. She don’t beleive in child care ether. It’s like shes trying to prove to me she can find someone and be happy because I use to tell her no one would want to take her and her kids on longterm that only I would take on the responsiblity. The balls in her court I guess but she should be scared of me actually moving on for good that means she will lose her backup and most women want that security am I right?
I have a question and it actually has nothing to do with my ex. I was interested in a girl at my work she has a bf of course but she frequently would discuss that they have been problems lately and that she was even threatened that he would break up with her if she got a tattoo she really wanted. Of course since she would flirt with me a lot joke with me touch me etc etc I naturally told her she could do better. I got brave one day and told her to put her number into my phone and surprisingly she gave it to me. I know she still has it because she sends me texts from time time usually on topics about work. On some text messages I let her know that if she was single I would def take her out that it was a shame and she was like well we can be friends right. I said of course we can be friends silly in a playful vibe text. I didn’t fight it or get mad or act like it bothered me that she wasn’t instantly dropping her bf of 4 years and hanging out with me. I decided to let her go and do my own thing since it sounded like I wasn’t going to go anywhere with her until a week later when we worked together again. Well this time she was extra flirty playfully trying to trip me several times , playfully shoving me , smiling all the time and asking me for help with work. When I would help her with the computer entering food orders are arms were touching each other for a good 20 seconds at least I never wanted it to stop personally lol. Anyways this girl is driving me crazy inside I have no clue how to advance because like before I think she would reject me if I asked her to hangout even as friends. What should I do since I know she must be attracted to me and interested is there anything I can do over time to actually get a date with her and advance things? What is she trying to accomplish with what shes doing to me? I really am curious as to what you think.
Hello Nathan,
You wanted my opinion on two different matters, so let’s go about discussing the situation with your ex first. Even though we are behind a firewall using nicknames for our anonymity, it isn’t always easy to be honest of ourselves. Because of that, I would like to thank you for telling me even the things that were unfavorable to you. Most questions posted here are often very lacking in details and at times bias. It was refreshing to get an honest take about one self and I would like to thank you for that.
Now that we got that out of the day, you are right about the difficulty in patching up a relationship on which one party was particularly mean or selfish. You were together with your ex girlfriend for 6 years and by your own admission you were very mean to her while the relationship had lasted. I’m not saying she broke up with you for that reason alone, but if it took 6 years for her to say enough, then you have to assume that it would take quite a long time for her to completely heal from the hurt you may have inflicted on her and for her to start trusting you again. I’ve said it from day one, the history between the two of you is too long and complex for some magic bullet to exist in fixing your relationship.
I do believe that she is wasting her time with the new boyfriend. He is probably a mistake, but even so, it’s a mistake she chose to make. It’s part of growing up and if you think about it, we never stop to mature even till our last breath. There is a history of 6 years, two precious kids, and the emotional baggage that comes with breaking up a family. This is something that she has to figure out on her own, but you have to make sure you stay out of the way so you don’t hurt yourself too badly standing in her way, but most importantly so she figures things out on her own. For that, I am very glad that you are trying very hard to get over your break up.
Moving on to the next discussion and this one about the girl you seem to be interested in. It’s very tricky to answer this question since she’s currently in a relationship and you might end up hurting another man in order to have her. But that’s just the nature of things, so we’ll just accept the good and bad.
It really doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she’s attracted to you, but it does take quite a bit of guessing game to figure out how far she’s willing to take it. With that said, even the natural flirts (or sluts as some might call them) don’t flirt with just anyone. There has to be some sort of attraction for a person to want to flirt with another. However, you’ll never know what she wants with you or how far she’s willing to take her flirtation, unless you give her an opportunity to take the next step.
When it comes to dating or courting a woman in this case, it’s always better to take the active and enthusiastic approach. 9 out of 10 times the guys who take the “safe” path never get the girl. You can easily take her out as a friend or as a co-worker to a lunch or breakfast over the weekend. If you drag this on, soon enough she’ll stop flirting and you’ll just be another guy that “could have been” in her book.
Do one thing at a time Nathan, first have lunch with her as a friend and see how much more you can learn about her. You can plan your next move after that and if you do well on your first meet, you might actually do a lot more than just learn more about her. Forget about trying to guess how she might think of you or if she wants to go out with you. Simply have a meal with her and you’ll know exactly what to do next.
Hello Johny,
It was my pleasure exchanging opinions with you and if I had helped in any way, I am more than pleased to have done so. I can tell that you are definitely a very nice guy and even though I may have had some tough words for you, I do understand how hard loving someone can be. I wish you only the best of luck from here on Johny, take care of yourself.
From my expertise I know shes not willing to give up on her relationship with her bf just by her responses via text message. Although in this case I really am more attractive than her current bf 4 years she has been with this guy and that would be quite a lot to give up for no reason. The reason I thought I had a chance with her at one point is she would discuss some problems she had with him and one in particular about him threatning to break up with her over a tattoo. I beleive she flirts with me not just because shes attracted to me I beleive she wants to feel good about herself as she may be lacking appreciation from her man. I know this was the case with my ex I made her feel like a nobody and as soon as she would go to school or work all the men would tell her how beautiful she was and she would tell me about it. It’s just how life is I guess if you don’t do your job and make your gf or wife feel great about themselves than you can bet there gonna try to find it somewhere else. If this relationship was to end for some reason with this guy then I do beleive she would accept my offer to go out to eat somewhere or a movie etc etc. Right now I strongly beleive shes not open to it but flirting at work. I do think she overdoes it though as she isn’t doing it casually shes being overly flirty and i actually feel bad for her man. He is very lucky she is staying faithful because it would probably take him months to find someone to replace her if not years. Do you think shes flirting with me just because its her nature or because like I said she wants to feel good about herself?
Hello Nathan,
Now that I’m getting a clearer picture about her and her relationship to her boyfriend, I think you may be right about a lot of the things you assume about her. If she truly isn’t appreciated by her boyfriend, it is true that she could be seeking for attention and affection from elsewhere.
However, the things you know about her relationship are from her words only and the real story could always differ. Her boyfriend could be a sweet and caring guy and she could be feeding you bunch of bologna. Like making a co-worker think she’s the victim of an abusive relationship for example, when the reality is far from her words.
This brings us right back to where I left off, because it is futile trying to play the guessing game. I could give you two dozen theories as to why she might be flirting with you, but they are no better than a single fact.
She does have a boyfriend and that does make things a lot more complicated. But if you like her and you want to find out if there could be anything more than a friendship between the two of you, then you have to chance it and there is no way around it.
You don’t have to ask her out on date, there is absolutely nothing wrong about co-workers having lunch together. It is so easy to make it happen Nathan. You need to meet her in a different setting other than your place of work and you’ll get a better read of her once you take things out of the office.
Don’t try to take a guess about her intentions and don’t ask me to guess it either. The absolute best thing to do is to take care of business yourself. Making decisions based on a hunch is half-assing. Take the plunge Nathan, the worst thing that can happen is that she stops flirting with you. Good luck my friend, it is always nice to hear from you.
Thanks for the advice whats funny is yes you guessed it my ex randomly called me while I was at work. I sent her a text asking her whats up and she said not much that she wanted to talk. I told her after work I would get ahold of her and by that time her phone was dead and she was at work. So I decided since she would never know if I had called yet or not that I would call the next day and sure enough she answered. I said to her so what did you have to tell me and she was like oh nothing im fine and began talking about her finger getting jammed at work. She went on about that for a few minutes and I was like just tell me what you were planning on telling me so she said oh I was just seeing if you were still the same person or not but didn’t go into detail. I was like nope and she began talking about looking for a place to live that was based on income running errands etc. I could tell she was alone since she said I hate talking to management people at rentals and I said why don’t you have your bf or mom etc go with you and she was like he has no patience that whenever they go anywhere she rushes like a mad person to get ready. few more minutes of talking and she told me she was going inside and asked me if she wanted me to have her call back. I said no that’s alright just calling to see what you had to say see if there was anything interesting for you to tell me and there wasn’t so ya ill ttyl. From experience I new she was ether calling to demand something from me or calling because she sort of missed me a little bit and wanted to see what I was up to since I have ended almost all contact with her. I feel great because she no longer has the power over me and I don’t really want much to do with her as long as shes takin. I know shes wasting her time and I am enjoying dating other women what do you think her purpose of calling was and is it a good sign that she did. Remember I told her I would not be her friend that I didn’t want much to do with her unless she was single so why was she bothering me if shes still happy with her bf? Is she just trying to maintain a little contact so she knows that she may have her ex to fall back on? She never asked me any questions about what I have been doing lately but wanted to talk out of nowhere strange.
This is an update in addition to the last post. My plan is really being strangled as I was trying to avoid as much contact as possible with her to try and win her back someday. So anyway she calls me up and asks me if I will go to a particular park for parenting time and I agree. My ex who told me she wasn’t going to any more of my parenting times because I told her I will not be her friend guess what she shows up. She is flirty a good portion of the time and throughout the visit talks about how amazing her bf is that he takes her camping or looking at the stars and then simply says you never did it when we were together to pretty much everything while smiling at me. She also questions me about the past as to see if I have changed at all from the past. I simply told her I have do i appear to be mean or scary now and she said no. She started telling me your nice to me today and I simply said I am nice to everyone but I am not your friend. This girl don’t seem to want to leave me alone she keeps finding ways to keep in touch with me but she still has that bf and I am sure she is still happy with him. So why do you think she is asking questions about if I have changed or not and why does she compare her current man what she does with him to what I used to do with her. This girl is also very strange as she doesn’t seem to care if she goes swimming in her bra and stands there in her panties to change clothes in front of me the ex. If I were her current bf I would be upset about it but she seems to think it’s no big deal that know one can really see anything. I wanted to give my thought about it and wanted to see your opinions. My thought is she is noticing that this relationship with her bf is more than likely not going to last longterm that he more than likely will not become the new step dad for her kids. Shes noticing positive changes in me and is keeping me as an option in the future that longterm it may be best to be a family again if I accept that option when the time comes. What do you think?
Hello Nathan,
I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you earlier, I was traveling for a few days and I barely had time to check my emails. Anyways, getting back to the topic, I think it’s safe to assume that neither one of you have truly moved on with your life. This also means that she isn’t as happy with her current boyfriend as she may lead you to believe. She’s showing erratic behavior because she’s unsure who she wants to be with. However, this isn’t the time to start courting her again, it’s way too early.
Generally speaking, it’s pretty uncommon that an ex girlfriend would freely change her underwear in front of an ex boyfriend and when a woman does such thing, there’s usually a motive behind it. Like it or not and politically correct or not, this wouldn’t be the first time a woman used her sexuality to manipulate a situation or a person, or to achieve a goal. I’m sure she’s trying to figure out your reaction to her changing her underwear as much as you are wondering why she did it.
I would advise you to keep doing what you’ve been doing so far and don’t let her know just yet that you still have feelings for her. Don’t set a timetable and just observe the changes in her when you get a chance to meet her. Her man of 6 years and the father of her two children seems to have completely moved on with his life, I don’t think it’d be absurd to think that she’d a bit upset.
She’s trying to get a reaction out you by telling you how wonderful her boyfriend is and she’s getting naked in front of you because she wants to know that she still arouses you. You are like her comfort food, only you are not letting her eat it. If you give in to any one of her little tricks, all you will do is to fill her with the confidence that she badly needs right now and she’ll go right back to her boyfriend all happy and jolly.
Just be a little more patient and try to look at your situation not as in a breakup, but rather a short vacation from a long and stale relationship that needed some freshening up. You are doing great Nathan, so just continue doing what you’ve been doing and you will get your second chance with her.
Hey thanks for all the helpful advice I wish it were all true. I got a letter in the mail it was about child support. I was planning on dealing with it on the next court date now it looks like she is changing her mind about allowing me to see the kids 3 days a week because of my past. She plans on doing everything that benefits her and she doesn’t care if it’s in the families best interest or not. from her showing up at parenting time I thought she missed me but she simply said she was bored and wanted to go swimming and the calls she wanted to see if I had changed as she would rather be friends where we communicate then be enemies she thinks its better on the kids. She tells me she has no feelings for me anymore that she lost them from what happened in the past and even though her friends and family accuse her of having feelings for me she says she has none. She is very mean on the phone and she is making life very difficult on me not caring if it affects me or the kids as long as it benefits her. She says im bipolar that im nice then go back to being mean etc. She thinks im playing games but as I told you I did the no friends thing to force her to miss me I don’t want her to benefit from my friendship as that means I would never win her back. It’s not in my best interest to try and get back with a girl who is treating me like this. In person her doing everything she did makes absolutely no sense she had no reason really to be there. If shes trying to be nice to me to get something from me it didn’t work. She did not ask anything from me though so I just am stumped. You sure shes not trying to manipulate me so she can get everything she wants from me. If she wanted me back or as an option I don’t think she would use physical force of child support and telling me shes not gonna allow the kids to be around me more than what the court authorizes. I really think she hates me and anything she does is a front. Ya know you don’t punch someone in the face and that secretly mean you really like them words are fine but when you use action I just don’t beleive it. Is this girl really that good exback coach?
My orginal post was on August 6th. Since then that girl contacted me. About a week and a half ago she sent me a text apologizing for everything that happened earlier in the summer. From there it didn’t take long for her to start bringing up the fact that she misses me, she thinks her bf is cheating on her, and that she tries to break up with him but he wont let her, blah blah blah. She is really teasing me here. She told me she was going to try and break up with him again but i havent heard anything in the last week or so. Any thoughts on what i should do?
Nathan,
Whether or not she’s worth it, is not something I can answer. Not only is your relationship more complex than most others discussed here, but I generally do not comment on the worthiness of going after someone. I believe I told you to go after her if you felt she was worth it, and from what I can remember you told me she was.
I still believe you can get her back, but sometimes the process of making that happen might not be something you want to experience. You may be better off without her, but your circumstances still requires you to keep a civil relationship with her. It is not my place to discuss the legal matters on the child support and the visiting days, but the trouble you are experiencing in those matters are even more reasons to keep a civil relationship with her. I think the more urgent matter is to settle the legal issues and maybe the relationship might have to take backseat for a while.
I can only comment from what you tell me, but it seems to me that she is very emotional right now and unfortunately she’s emotionally erratic. The best course of action is of course to reason with her, but I think you are telling me that she’s either using you, or that she can’t be reasoned with right now. I don’t know how badly things have deteriorated between the two of you, but the seriousness of the problems that we are dealing with here, really kills the whole debate about getting her back.
At this juncture, you have to make the choice Nathan and I can no longer comment on this matter. I think we’ve reached a point where I may do more harm if I continue to offer my opinion to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more of help and I could only wish you the best from here on. Good luck Nathan and please don’t hesitate to come back if you have other matters you wish to discuss.
Larry,
You seem like a reasonable guy to me, so let me ask you. Do any of the things she says or does make any sense to you? She originally stated that she couldn’t break up with her boyfriend because he made her feel “guilty”. She also said she would rather be with you, but she also proceeded to stop contacting you for over a month. Not long ago from today she contacts you again and she tells you that she misses you. She claims that she tried to break up with her boyfriend, but that he wouldn’t let her, let me repeat that, he wouldn’t let her break up with him.
My opinion on the matter is still the same Larry. I don’t believe her story and I don’t believe she is as native as you may think she is. Girls like her are trouble Larry and it’s better to stay as far away from them as possible. For me, the issue with this isn’t whether or not she’d come back to you, but is whether or not you should take her back. I really shouldn’t be telling you what to do and I hope you don’t take offense of my blunt response, but my hope is that you’ll just try to forget about her.
True, it’s hard because we do have a good connection and a lot in common. Right now I am dating other girls that im not as connected to so it’s difficult not to think of this one as my best bet. Oh well, I talked to her yesterday and told her I still have feelings for her but I don’t feel comfortable with her texting or calling me while she has a bf so I told her not to contact me unless she single because it is too much of a tease. She understood so I will have to wait and find out what is going to happen. I understand your points so I guess I will be taking a chance if we do end up getting back together. One thing is sure, I will not stop dating to wait for her and if something new comes up that is a better bet I will jump on it.
Larry,
I understand where you are coming from, I really do. Once you have that connection with a girl, it is easier said than done to give up on her. If you are enjoying dating new people, then by all means have at it, but it is doubtful that you’ll feel that “connection” to someone else until you sever yours to her.
There is no better way to get over someone than to do it on your own. Some people can’t handle a break up without involving themselves in another relationship for comfort and support, but people like that never seem learn to love someone in a true sense of the word.
However, I do not think you are dating new people because you can’t handle your emotions. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that you are trying not to limit yourself to a single option. I think we learn the biggest lessons in life by taking chances and making mistakes. I’m not saying she’s a definite mistake, but I do know that sometimes the biggest mistake in life can turn into the biggest success.
You are handling your situation better than most would under similar circumstances and I say if you want to take chance with her, then by all means go for it. My opinion on the matter hasn’t changed, but I feel that you know exactly what you are getting into and for that, I think you will do the right thing for yourself.
You really seem to like this girl or maybe even love her, so I really hope that I’m wrong about her. Good luck Larry, I’ll be rooting for you to prove me wrong.
No you have helped out a lot it’s hard to use techniques when she is using legal action against me. I found out the real reason why she gives me a hard time is because she desperately wants her new relationship to work since she knows she’s in a bad situation. One talking to me being around me makes her current bf upset so shes being very cautious with her communication with me since apparently i am considered a threat. Two she’s making life decisions that show she’s moving on with her life such as getting her own place etc. The sad thing about all of this is shes not fighting over deciding who to be with she knows who she wants to be with but she knows its in her best interest to have me around if things go haywire. She has said she doesn’t look at him as longterm which means at some point she will be single again now when that happens will are friendship be so long that she will smply date around or will she give me another try. She has said she has lost all mushy feelings for me in order to win an ex back she must begin to feel attraction for me again and i don’t believe i can create th at attraction while she’s committed to this other guy. Also with all the legal action she’s taking that will be a lot to turn around. I do believe she feels close to me i just don’t have that tunnel to make that next step i need to take her to get her back. I believe she’s worth pursuing in the future at least for the boys if i get my opportunity it’s just going to be a long wait.