Is the thought your ex girlfriend being with another man just killing you on the inside? Even if you don’t have feelings for an ex girlfriend, learning about her dating again is unpleasant at the very least. Now, if you still have feelings for your ex, then you can multiply the unpleasantness by about a thousand fold. There is however, a way to win back your ex girlfriend from her new boyfriend. The plan is simple enough, but it will seriously test your patience to its absolute limit. If you are ready for the challenges ahead, then this plan will put you on the right track.
Phase 1 – Let go of her and the past
Avoid at all cost of being labeled a desperate ex boyfriend. There is a very fine line between that of a stalker and an ex boyfriend who just can’t let go of the past. Convince her that you have moved on and leave the past in the past where it belongs. The plan is to start something new with your ex girlfriend, because trying to fix what’s broken down beyond repair is futile. If you want her to come to back, then is only logical that you first let her go.
Phase 2 – Invest some time in yourself
Stay away from your ex girlfriend for a month or two, this is both a strategic need and an emotional need at the same time. If you can recall the first couple of months of your relationship with your ex girlfriend, then you shouldn’t have trouble figuring out that there is nothing you can do to stop her from seeing her new boyfriend at this juncture. The real relationship starts after the honeymoon period and that’s when relationships start to get tested.
There’s also the fact that you need this time to complete the phase 1 of this plan and not to mention the fact that you will have to make some major improvements on yourself. Successfully completing phase 1 will have you mentally prepared for the challenges ahead, but next you will have to make some improvements to your physical appearance. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, and start dressing up a little.
Try wearing casual clothes exclusively for one week and then try wearing formal clothes for an entire week the week after. You will notice an enormous difference in the way you carry yourself depending on the clothes you wear and more importantly people around you will notice the difference as well. By no means I am preaching you to go out and grab a new suit, for all I know your ex girlfriend hates men in suit, but I want to reinforce to you the idea that you should dress for success.
you watch this video
Keeping yourself fit will give you a huge boost in self-esteem and dressing for success will reinforce the idea of change in you, both to yourself and to others around you.
Phase 3 – Wait for your chance
Here’s the good news, no relationship is trouble free forever and your ex girlfriend’s new relationship will start to get tested on the first month or the second. This is especially true in your ex’ case because her new boyfriend is likely just a rebound guy and rebound relationships are not built to last.
If she dumps the new guy, she will inevitably start thinking about you, the last real boyfriend. But then if she’s the one who ends up getting dumped, then you are in a perfect spot to save her when she is most vulnerable.
In the event that her new relationship continues on, you will have to change your tactic and approach her under the cover of friendship. Don’t ever make the mistake of letting her know that you still have feelings for her and make it convincing enough that all you want is her friendship. If you have been away from your ex for couple of months or more, then it shouldn’t be much challenge to convince your ex that the two of you should be friends.
This friendship will stir small but persisting problems with the new boyfriend and it will be enough to subtly put yourself in between your ex girlfriend and her new man. Once you have maneuvered into this position, you won’t have to do much to break them apart.
There are many other ways to go about getting your ex girlfriend back and on this single article I can only cover so much topic. If you want to learn about all the different strategies that you can use to get your girlfriend back, then Click Here to watch this 5 minutes long video presentation and see for yourself what kind of chance you stand on winning her back.
My girlfriend and I had a relationship of about 5 years. It was our first love. She joined a job which which means that she will be away for the whole days and I couldn’t even call her. Then she met a new guy who sweet talked her into his trap. She hardly knew the guy for about 15 days when she left me. I was devastated, my whole world crashed. I called her to give me one more chance but she told me to get the hell outta her life. I love her like crazy. I want to win her back. Please help.
Hi reader. It’s a real shame what happened to you, but this is no time to feel sorry for yourself. 5 years is a long time and without knowing more details its hard for me to tell how big of a role you’ve played in her leaving you like that. Even though there is no excuse for what she did, I don’t think her decision to cheat on you was an impulsive one. Being able to stay with one man for 5 years says a lot about a woman in this day and age, it is for that reason that makes me feel that this was long time coming. Listen, feel free to email me with whatever questions you have. Use the “Contact” page on the top navigation bar on our website to reach us, but the fastest way to get your question answered would be leave your question on this website, any page would do. I would also suggest you get your hands on this e-book, here’s the link “The Ex Recovery System“. It covers pretty much every situation similar to yours and it will give you the best shot in getting your ex girlfriend back.
My ex and I split up about 6 mths ago after being together for about six mths. The relationship started to make a total 180 when I moved away for grad school which was about 5 hrs away. The second mth after I moved away she broke up with me, and was distraught and confused cuz I tried to convince her that things would work itself out. I made the mistake by bugging her the first couple mths to get back together, and I’m worried by me doing that I ruined things forever. I don’t think more than 2 or 2 1/2 weeks have gone by without me trying to contact her to see how she is doing. Then, a week or so ago I learned she is now dating someone else. I then started to read up on the internet on what to do and how to deal with this. I went home one weekend, where she was, and asked her out to lunch to catch up. She said she wasn’t so sure about it because she was talking with someone and didn’t want to scare them off and cuz it would be kind of weird. So how I responded was that I said, “OK well mayb us meeting up wouldn’t be such a great idea. I don’t want to mess things up for you. I care about you a lot and I just want you to b happy, no matter what, even if it isn’t with me. I wish you the best and good luck with everything.”
So, I guess my questions are: Am I going about this correctly in my pursuit of getting her back? I learned that contacting her first all the time doesn’t work, so should I wait for her to contact me now? Do I even have a chance anymore after bugging her the first couple mths about getting back together? What do I do next? Please help
Also, I forgot to mention while we were together we even talked about getting married and such. I always thought that she would be the one then everything fell apart. I still believe she is the one for me, but how do I go about getting her back?
Hello Darren,
I wish I could tell you that there was a way to get her back quick and easy, but I’m afraid that boat has sailed. You need to think long-term now, but that’s assuming you still want her back. Yes, you did mess up by bugging her right after the breakup. That was a crucial mistake, but you are not out of the game just yet. At least you made all the right moves the last time you spoke to her on the phone, but those moves are not as effective now as they would have been right after the break up. Even so, I know it must have been very hard for you to tell her that you were letting her go.
Being 5 hours away from one another might not seem like big deal to some, but I know from firsthand experience it’s not easy adjusting to a long distance relationship. This is especially true for women and you have to remember, although inevitable because of your school, you did choose to leave. It’s difficult for me comment on your situation without knowing more details, but I believe there must have been lack of communication in your relationship, at least about your departure for school. You can email me with more details and I can try to help you that way. However, your situation has become a lot more complicated and I would suggest you read this book, The Ex Recovery System. The Ex Recovery System is an excellent resource to learn how to get your ex girlfriend back, because it caters to all different stages of break ups and it meets you where you are right now. Best of luck Darren.
All the more reason why you shouldn’t give up on her now. I know that some relationships are past repairs and it’s best that both parties move on, but I don’t think your relationship with your ex girlfriend is at that point.
My ex and I have been together for 4 years and about a month ago we had a little arguement that lasted about an hour of argueing about the situation. She told me after the arguement she weren’t even upset that we had a row, I was begging for her back at this time though. About a week later after a bit of ignorance her way and we were together for another week when she said she wanted time apart, the next day she went on holiday and I found out she was in Sweden with a guy shed been talking to for a few months. She’s been having sex with him and she says to everyone she’s having so much fun and that he treats her really well. It was just 2 days before the breakup she was telling me she needed me there with her and se couldn’t wait till she was older with me, but during this time she already had plans to go to Sweden.
The other day a girl from my college came round and this girl put it on her facebook status, nat then messages me saying ‘she still has feelings for me but she’s found some one else’ and then posted a load of pictures of her and him kissing and stuff, they looked happy and it really broke my heart again. My questions are how do I go from here? What does ‘feeling’ mean, as saying just feelings seems like she’s being reluctant to say love. And after a week of being with this boy do you think she could love him and I’ve been left behind?
We’ve been together since we were 13 and I remember a time when I was scarEd
that I would never get a chance to sleep with anyone else or be with anyone else, she said just after the breakup we’ll see what happens in the future. I’ve seen her facebook status updates, her pictures with him and i known she’s slept with him. In additions to the questions I’ve already asked I’m wondering if she loves me, will this innevitably fall apart if I play it cool in my current situation? I’ve hears she’s going back to see him after a week or 2 of her coming home, shell be staying there for another week or 2 again. Thanks.
This is Happening to me right now.. 2 months ago i was with the love of my life,& her bestfriend sorta liked me.. & she had threatened me to call up my ex-wife nicole( MY TRUE LOVE I WAS WITH 2 MONTHS AGO) & say i was cheating on her & nicole wouldnt know who to beleave & now shes with some dude named evan…plz help me get her back.i begg plz help me!!
Hello Rob,
If you are in college and you guys have been together since the age of 13, then that’s a feat in itself for such young couple to stay together for so long. I can’t be for sure, but something tells me that she still cares a lot about you. However, that doesn’t mean that she’s worth winning back.
If you ever spoke to couples who’ve been together for a long time, they’ll all tell you there were some bumpy roads along the way. You would think that time would improve communication between couples, but it isn’t so in most cases in real life. Sexual incompatibility would be one of the first symptoms of couples drifting apart and in your case that might have played a significant role.
She also seems like she’s trying to make you feel jealous and that makes me wonder if you have given her enough attention when you were still together. Could this be a case of “I didn’t know how much I loved her until I lost her”? Look, what’s done is done. I know she hurt you really badly by cheating on you, but you seem like you are taking the high road and you are willing to forgive her for that.
From the limited information I’ve gotten from you, I can honestly say that you stand a very good chance of getting her back. That is of course if you still want her back. It looks to me that you need to learn to not only win her back, but how to keep a woman happy in a relationship as well. There is no point of winning her back if you are going to lose her a week later.
Make a small investment and get your self this ebook, “The Ex Recovery System”. Make sure you read everything in it and follow the guide to the teeth and I assure you that you will win her back in time. I really like “The Magic of Making Up” as well, but after reading The Ex Recovery system, my conclusion is that it is a far superior system because it covers all stages of break ups in great detail. Just so that you know, I get a small commission every time someone purchases this ebook through my site. It does however come with a 60 day money back guarantee. If you don’t get her back, then you don’t pay a dime. What better guarantee in a product than that? The success rate of the system I hear is very high and I strongly recommend that you read it. It’s available for instant download right after the purchase. Best of luck.
It’s me again, the situation carrier on.
She came back and she told me she misses me so much and still loves me but after saying this and me saying it back she says ‘we can’t be together though, I’m sorry’, she says the person she’s with is really special to her and that sex with him is amazing.
I don’t think this relationship is going to break up because if she can only see him at weekends or every couple of weeks and they’ll probably treasure their time together, an won’t this help her fall in love with him more quickly?
She said to me she loves me as much as she ever did , do I still hav hope or should I start to move on? I don’t want to sit around and wait for her to realise if she’s made a mistake if she’s going off to sweden every week or so and will eventually just fall in love with this other guy, it hurts so much, I don’t know weather to move on.
Hope that helps!, I found a way to bring back my ex.Thanks for sharing this article and we know it will help them.And hope it will give them idea to get their ex back.
The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.Please continue posting stuffs like this.
BEFORE 4 MONTHS AGO I WENT TO A PLACE FOR WORKING PURPOSE,AND IN THAT PLACE I MEET A GIRL, AFTER SOME DAYS SHE IS BE MY GIRLFRIEND. AFTER 2 MONTHS I COME BACK,HOWEVER I CAME BACK I CALL HER, BUT I NEVER MEET HER AGAIN BUT MY GIRLFRIEND REQUEST ME TO MEET WITH HER THE DAY AFTER DAY BUT I TOLERATE. AFTER 4 MONTH SHE DUMPED ME. NOW I WANT TO WIN HER BACK PLEASE HELP.
hey
In my case we went out for 1yr and 4months.During last the month of are relationship I felt something was wrong and she would say nothing is worng.one night we were talking on the phone and she told me that she didn’t want to be together right and i was like ok. but i would call and text her and ask why and want her back. A month later i found out she was dating someone else. I let her know who i felt about her,that i still want to be with her. but she just wanted to be friends, but i told her i can’t.Soon after i found out she went to his house after we got off the phone with each other and she didnt tell me that.I called her and mad let her know that i didnt want to talk to her anymore that we couldn’t be friends.I havent called her for 3 days,but she called me today and ask me why did i earse her from facebook and what i was doing.i was not rude about anything and told her i’ll call her back and did.
I want to know did mess up when I called her back.Im doing the NO CONTACT RULE right now..o yea i told i’ll talk to her later.
I would love to help you out however I can Subh, but I’m afraid I’m going to need more detail than what you have explained here. If the matter is too private to post here, please use the “Contact Us” form on top left corner of the site so you can contact me privately.
Hello Ken,
It looks like you broke up with her without much fuss, the way you explain your break up sounds to me as if you were nonchalant about it. Then a month later you find out that she has a new boyfriend and all of a sudden you want her back.
It might have been by chance that the timing of her dating someone new and you wanting her back coincided, but it won’t seem that way to your ex girlfriend. In your case, your girlfriend broke up with you. But even if the roles were reversed, that is even if you were the one to break up the relationship, chances are even then you wouldn’t have liked seeing her with someone new. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to criticize you. I just want you to figure out whether your feelings aren’t just raw feelings of jealousy and not that of a loving ex boyfriend.
If you are still with me, I’ll assume that you do want her back because you still love her and not because you don’t want her to be with someone else. It’s too bad that you were so direct about your approach to get her back. For whatever reason, she broke up with you. You tried to get her back without even knowing the reasons that might have contributed to the break up and that might have come off to her as if you were simply a jealous ex boyfriend. If you were going to contact her, you should have tried to become friends with her first and give her a chance to open up to you and about the things that had troubled her in the old relationship. But enough about what ifs, hindsight is 20/20 after all.
Let’s start things out by patching things up a little. Add her back to your Facebook friends list and leave her a short message apologizing to her for acting like a child. Tell her that you’ve learned to accept the break up and that she’ll always be a good friend to you. That’s it for now, say no more and do not call her. If she does call you, be friendly but don’t reveal to her that you still love her. Do this for now and contact me again either by this post or by email after she responds.
Me and my ex just split 4 weeks ago ive been doing everything to try and get her back when we first split I would ask if I could take her out n I missed her one time I text saying could I take her out tommorrow I never got a reply for 6 hours until she text me saying you up? I also had a missed called so I rang back and we met up and I said she could stay over she was crying saying it was hard we came back I ordered a takeaway coz she wanted something she was crying again in the kitchen saying I’m sorry and kissing me and said I could take her out the next day I said you gonna let me take you out? She said yeah il text you later then when she got back home she text saying sorry I shouldn’t have come over I just want to be on my own , we text a few more times after that until she said you need to move on take care I text back saying fair enough take care left it for a few days until I got a text Friday night saying Hi can you do me a big favour till tommorrow? X and I had a missed call I rang back and it just rang she text back 10 mins later saying it was her mate? I never replied left it a few more days and said Hi babe hope your alright , been thinking about you , wanna meet up? , she said no I don’t wanna meet up where not gonna get back together coz I don’t want 2 take care , it was her birthday a few days ago I got a card put a pic of us in saying I loved her and missed her she said thanks for the card but you need to stop Saturday night I was out I seen her in the time tapped her mate and mine on the shoulder saying alright and she was there aswell I just seen a hand coming at me it was her so I left the club in a mood I text saying hope your having a good night out , have a good birthday x , she text back saying I’m going to liquid your not going to be there nar? , I said no coz il end up fighting later I seen her walked past never said nothing and heard her or one of her mates shout my name she said I think ya shocking what ya ignoring me for I said coz I thought u where trying to hit me she said why would I try and hit you so after that I dropped them off and I text saying I know your phones dead but wish you stayed over n I missed her etc then she messaged me on facebook saying I’ve met someone else you need to stop , I never replied and haven’t text in 4 days now , even got some girl to write on my wall I look stunning sat night , I said you didn’t look to bad yourself was good seeing you , this girl said back Its been far too long when you next out il inbox you my number and we’ll have to meet up for a drink x , I love my her 2 death and miss her loads what can I do to get her back? Bit long but thought I’d give you full details , write back please thanks
alright, so my ex is like my world. id die for her. literally. her and i got in a small fight and she left me. she was with some chug for awhile and is still with him. Yesterday her friends forced her and me to talk, tuesday she came to me and i cried non stop because i hadnt seen her in a month. I really love her. So we had sex and she said she does want a baby with me, just not now. We ended up talking again after her friends forced us to, i asked her, do you still have feelings for me, she smiled and was like yea but. and i cut her off and said okay weve been through alot and well, you and i both know i can give you anything you want, and i know you love me, you know you love me, and you know you dont like the other guy cus you guys always argue. I told her im not gunna wait forever that it needed to be solved. She said she needs time to make the right choice to which i replied, well it cant be along time, its hard on me, i gave up friends and family just to get through to you, you mean more to me than they ever will and i promised you i wouldnt give up and id always love you. and she said i know. and today we were texting and she and i argued but then i called her and finally got thrugh and i said look im sorry for how ive been acting but you need to understand we both are at fault, we both are goin through a hard time cuz of this, im like so im sorry for how i acted its just been really hard on me cus i do want to fix things with you and shes like i know ill txt you when im home but plz keep your promise n dont tell *new bf* we had sex. And then after i brought it up in text im like why dont you spare him his dignity and leave him, you already said you want me back, you know you do, i know you do, your friends know you do, so why keep prolonging the inevidable, and she wouldnt answer, she tried to avoid it, shes like i dont want to hurt him, hes a good guy but its hard for me to do that, and i was like you know you wont last with him, you said so yourself, you said you wanted my baby, you wanted a family with me, and some other things i wont get into on here. and she said i know. Heres the thing, she knows she loves me, shes admitted it, and im only keeping my promise to her about not telling the other guy, because i do love her. But i dont know, she said she wants me back but she avoids some topics but she does love me cus shes said so alot.So i dont know, how do i go about getting her back? and getting her to leave the other guy who honestly, isnt worth her time.
basically im going all out to get her back, even if i have to sacrifice more things. She means everything.
i just got out of a 7 year relationship and my ex gf left me for some new guy. i use to treat her bad by saying things out of anger, but i started turning around my words/actions but she still left me. we broke up a couple of times before but this time seems like ive lost her for good. she told new guy everything about me, so she made it easy for him to sweep her up by telling him all the bad things i did. she calls me still i keep it short most of the time. i feel stupid but still want her back for some strange reason. is there anything i can do besides no contact? she calls me 2 days in a row then stops
Justin,
I would normally advise anyone in your situation to free yourself from the the situation she tied you into and give your love to someone who deserves it, but I doubt I’ll be able to convince you to do so.
When a person is unwilling to choose between two people he/she has feelings for, I say that person does not deserve to be loved. You said you wanted to know how you could get her back? I say you already have her back. You just don’t have her entirely, half of her is always with another man. Either she makes the decision or she’s out. If you don’t get yourself out of the mess she’s created, she’ll drag you into the mud until you drawn my friend.
Demand her to show you the respect you deserve and tell her to make a choice. If she chooses you, then you have a chance to repair your relationship with her. If she doesn’t, I’d say that’s even better for you since it gets you out of a real nasty situation. Best of luck Justin and I personally hope that you’ll meet someone new who deserves to be loved by you.
Hello Jack,
Situations like yours.. it always seems as though you try, but you are always a little too late to mend the relationship. The truth is, we only realize our shortcomings when we feel threatened by the negative changes our actions might bring out of our partners. To be blunt though, you knew about your problems for some time but you did nothing about it until your position was threatened. By the time you try to fix your problems, she’s already half way to breaking up with you and when you try to be nice to her, she’ll feel as though your kindness stem from the wrong reasons.
Apparently she still has feelings for you and it will be strange if she didn’t after sharing 7yrs. of her life with you. I would like to ask you a question. If she does come back to you, do you think you can better control your anger permanently? Or do you feel as though you need some professional help with anger issues?
Temporarily we can all be someone else and that’s especially true when we want something in exchange for our deeds. I’m not assuming that you hit her or anything, so please don’t be offended. But verbal abuse can hurt just as much and leave just as big scars for life. Whether it’s your ex girlfriend that comes back to you or that you get a new girlfriend, you first need to answer the question, “Can I control my anger?”. Only then should you go after your ex girlfriend and only then should you pursue a new relationship.
We can continue this conversation either by email or you can respond again to this post. For email, please use “Contact Us” link at the top left menu bar of this site.
Hi, I was with a girl for 7 years and I found out in the 3rd year that her biological father had raped her repeatedly form 11 yrs old to 14 or 15. When I found out I was devastated and knew something needed to be done so I basically got the ball rolling and he is now in prison (Just a little background info). I was not and am not that affectionate of a guy so she would always ask for me to hold her hand and the majority of the time I would not. We moved into together two years ago and the affection I gave to her gradually got worse where she would get on top of me in a playful way while I was watching TV and I would say, “Come on, not now.” She is a very emotional girl and would cry constantly when we got into an arguments and sometimes I would not comfort her as the crying would stress me out. Looking back, probably the wrong way to go about it. She was very shy and my family noticed and it got to the point where my family thought something was wrong with her because she was so quiet and never said a word and always looked angry. Anyway, 4 months ago I went out to a bar with some old friends from high school because one of them was just let out of the hopital for a few days to hangout with friends due to a very large life threatening tumor. I did ask my ex to go, but then when I went I asked if I could go by myself as she may embarass me in front of my friends if she acted like she did in front of my family. She agreed, but was super pissed. I did not get home until 6am and was greeted with her beating on me with her fists then she went to work. I then began seeing that she was chatting with other guys on facebook. I then ended the engagement right then and there and said one of us had to leave the apt and she started gathering her things and left. We continued to talk and have sex on a regular basis until just a week ago! about a month ago I saw on her Facebook page that she was in a relationship with another guy, lol. I was crushed. I had video of my ex and I having sex, she knew it was being filmed. I also had tons of sexual texts and emails. I messaged the new guy and let him know that I was still having sex with her on a regular basis and at first he did not believe me, but then I sent him a few emails which sparked his interest. I then let him know about the videos etc. He then asked to meet up with me to see the texts and the graphic video. I met with him that day after work and my phone was about to die so I just invited him into my car and warned him that the videos were really graphic and he said he did not care he wanted to see them. So I showed him and he was mad and wanted to confront her with me. On a side note, this guy had the worst stuttering problem I have ever heard, and I did ask my ex if she had something with this particular guy and she always said no that she would never because he had such a bad stuttering problem. Other side note, she did not take care of her car so she no longer had a car, she was constantly going to jail for driving her mothers car with no insurance, driving on a suspended license etc. and her mom finally said she couldnt let my ex use her car anymore. My ex also wanted to get out of her mothers house because it was full of drama. So I did not know how to take this as a good thing that I was better than this guy because I was better looking and did not have a stuttering problem or bad because she jumped into this with this stuttering guy after a 7 year relationship! So anyway, he and I drove to near where she lived, I stayed in a mall parking lot, he picked her up and I let him use my phone. The minute he got back and parked his car, she got out and started running and then I got out of my car and said, looks like the lies have caught up with you again. She ran off and the guy and I talked for about a half hour though it was hard to talk to him with the stuttering. He said that they were supposed to go to a wedding in a few days and he proceeded to tell me that there is no way that he could ever be with her after knowing she was lying to him the whole time and having sex with me the whole time and he even got to see it for himself! But go figure, they did still go to the wedding and even took a photo and put it up on his page. He must really be desperate with the stuttering problem and she is very desperate and needy with needing a place to lay her head and a ride to work as she does not have a car. My ex and I continued to talk and she told me that she was using him as a distraction among other things to get over me. Not only did we continue to talk, but we continued having sex up until last week. One day she slept over and got to use her mothers car again and she left in the morning and kissed me on the forehead before she left, then 30 minutes later I get texts calling me an effing ahole etc. Turns out that the guy went into my parking garage and took something out of her mom’s car and when she got home he was there to confront her, she probably lied and then he showed her the lab coat he took from her mom’s van so she was busted. So she thought I set it up which I did not. Then we were texting last Friday and she was obviously with him as the texts were odd and she was denying that she had sex with me in the past week and basically called me crazy for making it up, which again made me really mad and I then proceeded to send more video of her and I having sex and her talking about things relative to the present time and they are dated on my phone as well and even had one from the night he found her car here! I also sent him the texts of her saying “Listen I don’t know how else to get a hold of you. And how else to do this without getting in trouble. I never had relations with any other guys. I’m not in a good place. I don’t know what to do. I have told you and always meant it. I love you. Always have and will. You always have my heart and love here forever. And no one. NO ONE CAN EVER REPLACE YOU. And then the stuttering fool finally dumped her, but I suspect he took her back again. The revenge thing is not worth it, but at the time it felt good. My question is what the hell is she texting me this stuff for and still having sex with me and trying to mend a totally messed up relationship with a stuttering guy that can never trust her, is always looking through her phone for text, emails etc. That is pretty desperate! I was being desperate too even though I know that there is no way I could get back with her after this mess. My heart tells me that it could work, but my mind knows better. I’m still devastated either way. I’ve gone out with other girls, but it actually has made it worse! I read that having sex with other women helps out, but it did not in my case, the sex was horrible and made me think of my ex while I was having sex with this other girl. So who can give some feedback on why this other guy would still take a girl back while she has been cheating on her for their entire relationship until now? (My guess is that he never gets laid with such a bad stuttering problem and is really insecure and will be a doormat for any girl). Thanks to those in advance for your response.
I’m also still texting her and talking to her on the phone as I call her with my new number and *67 it so I feel more in control of the situation, but the whole thing is draining me horribly with the emotional roller coaster of ups and downs. what should I do?
I have been dating my ex for 6 years we broke up on bad terms but I was able to fix a lot of things. She is now dating a guy she works with they were friends for one year and now they are dating. She says she is really happy being with him and she wants to just be my friend. We have two kids together and I wish I was able to win her back. She likes to touch me a lot and talk with me she really enjoys my company the few days we hangout as a family meaning kids and everything. I can tell shes attracted to me by the way she acts and the way she jokes with me. She won’t leave her man for me though my only hope is if they break up. What are my chances of getting her back if they break up and I stay friends with her and we just flirt while there dating?
My girlfriend broke up with me 2000 miles away in a different city. When she got back he started hangin out with her friends and two weeks later out of noere she has a boyfriend. She didn’t contact me until after she started dating this new kid. They have been going out for three weeks and she said she can’t talk to me because her new boyfriend didn’t feel comfortable with it. I told her she can’t let someoneelse tel her how to live her life. She’s states she doesn’t have the same feelings but she still cares about me. I very much so want her back and I don’t know how to approach the situation. I know that it didn’t ha e to end that way between us but she let him make it that way. I’m confused becase she contacted me wanting to be friends but now she says this. I’m in love with this girl and I can’t help it. I dot want to sen desperate but I do want her back really bad. I told her I wanted her to be happy and she saidshe was, but she wanted me to e happy too. I asked her if he doesn’t let her wear the necklace I got her but she says it’s hanging in her room and she promises to keep it safe. I just want to be with her. Please help.
My gf and I are a long distance couple. She lives in US, I live in Thailand. We only contact each other by chatting, she can’t come to talk on phone or viewing webcam because she shares room with her sister. I spent 1 month to get her as my gf, and we have been together for 4months. She kept saying she loves me and misses me. One day she came and told me she wants to break up, she has no time much for me, she always make me wait for her. And she said her grade didn’t go well, she always feels there is something blocks on her way to do it. She told me to find another girl better than her, she said I am great, but she is not ready for it. Her friend told me she doesn’t love me anymore not like before. Yes it is true because we are long distance couple.. However I really love her. She is coming Thailand next week, I can’t meet her
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It has been 5weeks already we broke up. At first I tried to be her best friend she rejected, she said only friend. She said she doesn’t want to be close with a boy she hurts. I insisted until she deleted me from her facebook. She knows I am still stalking on her with the other account, she knew that account was mine, she didn’t delete it, but she just didn’t reply my chat. I made a blog for her and I take note on that blog about her, that I miss her, I love her, I will wait for her and stuffs. She sees it all the time. I pretended to be dumb that don’t know she visit my blog, because I afraid she stops seeing it. Later I stalk her and complain about her friendlyness with guys. She had reactions on her facebook status, something not straight meaning, but I can understand it was about me and I can tell that she still care for me but I don’t know in which way a lover way or pity way?? I couldn’t stand being patient then I told her, don’t feel bad if she hurt me and I told her to accept someone she loves bla bla bla and I think she is interested on another guy, I told her take time to accept him don’t accept too early. I will be ok bla bla bla. Then she said on her status “Stop fxxkxxx bothering my life.. This is so exaggerated(about my blog, maybe I said she is interested on a guy)… Go care on your fxxkxxg way..”
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She accepted that guy(the one I said she was interested on) as friend only like a week, but now they are couple.. Yes they see each other everyday at summer course, but they just don’t contact each other. Just now he found her on Facebook and they talked so flirty. Today they finish their summer time and they went their homes which are not same states with each other. So I think they can only meet on this summer. And will become couple like me and her used to.
She told her friend that he is cute, he is Korean, yes truly Korean is cute.. But I think I am way more handsome than him, maybe on my photo I am not so good.. Actually on his photo he is not so cute, but maybe in real life he is so cute..
What can I do now to get her back?? Wait until they break up or re-approach her again?? She really escaped for me these 5 weeks.. How long should I wait?? Soon I will move to US too, with the same states with her and our city next to each other. But now she totally deleted my other account, maybe she did that seriously and stop care on me.
Hello Bedri,
I think you know what must be done and I think it’s time you took action. I can’t tell you how horrible I feel for what happened to her at such a young age and I’m not even going to pretend how it must be affecting her to this day. However unfortunate though, that does not excuse the poor choices she’s made in the relationship with you, as she surely could have handled things better.
I can see that you really care about her and you may even love her till this day, but I don’t see how your relationship with her can continue on like this. As far the other guy is concerned, there is no telling why he still lingers around her even after learning of all her lies, but we can’t just blame it all on his stuttering. I don’t mean to sound politically correct, but his stuttering does not make him any less capable of loving or being loved. Speech impediment does not make a person any less than he or she is. I can however understand why you have harsh words for him and I’m sure under different circumstances you wouldn’t point out his stuttering.
Don’t try to guess why the new guy does what he does. That is his business and it should not affect what must be done on your end. I would also suggest you stop seeing other girls until you have this settled. It is true that some people think that break ups are easily dealt by having meaningless sex with strangers, but in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. Also, if you still care about her as you say you do, please get rid of all the sex videos. You do understand that if misplaced, those videos can be used to reopen her old wound and I’m sure you do not wish that on her. It doesn’t matter that she consented to the taping, do the right thing since she doesn’t know any better and especially because you are not likely to get back together again.
I know this preachy response is not what you wanted, but this is my honest opinion on your situation. I hope all three of you will find your own ways soon and I wish you the very best of luck Bedri.
Hello Nathan,
Having the kids involved in your relationship, I feel as though I should thread very carefully when answering your question as this is more than just about two adults in conflict. Having said that, although it may sound insensitive if misunderstood, the bond you share with the mother of your children is forever because of the kids. This is surely an advantage if you hope to win her back someday, but it only goes so far as far as getting her back of course.
Bearing a child together, let alone two forms a strong bond between the two parents and you seem to still have that strong bond with her. The fact that she still likes to touch you could mean that she still has attraction for you, but remember, 6yrs. is a long time and habits are hard to break. But all in all things are looking good from the limited information you have provided me with.
In your case, I believe you have to let her explore her options and let her ride this out on her own. I think this could be one of the rare cases where an ex girlfriend wants the former boyfriend to step up to the challenge. You said you fixed a lot of things and that maybe one of the reason why she’s showing you so much affection even after breaking up. If you really love her, I think she is worth waiting for and I think you should take a chance with her.
I don’t know your story well enough to feel certain, but I have a feeling that you stand a very good chance at winning her back in the near future. If you’d like, you can e-mail me if some details are just too private to discuss on a public post or if you don’t mind, we can continue this discussion right here. Good luck Nathan, and I hope to hear from you again soon.
Update, I’m still having sex with my ex, she broke it off with the other guy but we still can’t stand one another. I can’t stand her for how quickly she jumped into it with another guy. And she can’t stand me for not showing her affection in the past and always brings it up. You speak of, I think you know what must be done and you must take action and that is??
Hello Austin,
“Walk a mile in another man’s shoes” There is no reason why you should consider the feelings of her new man, but surely you can understand why your ex girlfriend’s new man does not feel comfortable with you talking to her. He may not know it for sure, but we both know your intentions are to take her away from him and I’m sure that he suspects as much. With that said, I think the new guy is turning the situation more favorable for you. He already has won her over and yet he still feels threatened by you, the ex boyfriend. It looks like you are dealing with a wimpy kid and that helps in some ways.
Romance does poorly over long distance and from what you tell me, that looks to be the main reason why she left you originally. Seeing as how she got a new man just two weeks after coming back, we could also assume that she’s been in the dating scene for longer than you would like to admit. I feel as though her seeing you and talking to you again in close distance is making her unsure of her decision to leave you. At the very least I feel that she wants both her new man and you in her life at the moment. Yeah, you seem to be in contention alright.
For an ex girlfriend who supposedly has moved on and now dating a new man, she’s just way too eager to have you around has a friend. She says sweet and meaningful things that she should not tell you if she truly wants you to move on. I’m not saying she’s pulling you in purposely to hurt you, but regardless of her intentions she should know that she could be hurting you a lot more this way. She’s confused.
The safe approach is to stick around as a friend and wait for the opportunity to snatch her back. There are risks to every plan of course and if you stay as a friend for too long, you’ll end up helping her move on. Timing is everything and that’s one subject that’s hard to cover in few sentences. I tell you what, contact me again with more details about how the break up happened and the events after. You can reply back to me on this post using the same name or you can click on the “Contact Us” tab on the top left of this page to email me. For fast answers though, just leave your replies on this site. I would also suggest you consider reading the “Ex Recovery System” for a full on guide to winning back an ex girlfriend.
Bedri,
There are signs all over your first message that your relationship to your ex girlfriend might be past repair. You seem to know that already and hence the reason for “I think you know what must be done”. In another words, you already knew the future did not look too bright for your relationship with her.
The chain of trust has broken off between you and your ex girlfriend and in my good conscience I cannot advise you to continue your relationship with her. I wish I could give you a more positive opinion on your situation, but this is how I honestly feel about your relationship to her.
You must be able to speak to her, listen to her, respond to her, and understand her position as well if you truly want to fix this situation. The unfortunate reality is that you are not particularly an affectionate man according to your own words. You were insensitive to her and you could have shown more support, but that’s not really who you are as it seems. You are sort of the “man’s man” and your ex girlfriend seems like she needs a man who’s a little more attentive and affectionate.
At this point sex is just a routine and a way to find a connection in your chaotic relationship. Bottom line, the fact that you are still having sexual intercourse with her has little bearing on the future of your relationship. Unless you are ready to forgive her completely for everything you feel she’s wronged you, and unless you are ready to meet her needs as an affectionate boyfriend.. I believe it’s best that the two of you go your separate ways.
Don’t get me wrong Bedri, I’m not judging you in any way. I just do not know you well enough to say who you really are and I’m just doing my best to help you out with the limited information one can get with written words. With that said, I do believe that you need to make a habit of being more open to your girlfriend and you also have to learn to “show” more support. Even though you care deeply about your ex girlfriend, she doesn’t really know it for sure because you do not show it. I also think your ex girlfriend will need lots of love and support for the rest of her life… her past experience has made her that way.
It looks like you’ll have to be more than just a boyfriend if you want to stay with her for good. Are you ready for that?
Johny,
Sometimes you have to “let go” Johny and I believe your situation is such. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you what you want to hear, but I seriously believe it’s best for both you and your ex girlfriend to go your separate ways.
Exbackcoach, but at least I was the one who made her ready to accept bf… She has never accepted anyone before…. Never ever… She changed so much because of me… She overcame to bad grade because of me, but she never accepted any gift from me when I want to send her through DHL.. Her mum would be wonder if I do… I think because we were too far.. What do you think if I start again when I get close to her??? I mean when I go to live near her…
Johny,
I can sort of understand where you are coming from and you having such positive influence on then your girlfriend says a lot about your character, but the circumstances seem very unfavorable to you. Geographical distance between couples eventually lead to distance in mind and soul. The distance between you and your ex girlfriend is already vast and things will only worsen as days go by. By the time you get to the states, I really don’t think you’ll stand a good chance at getting her back.
Could you get her back if you come to states and court her again? Maybe, who knows what the future holds for us. But you can’t make all your life plans for a girl no matter how much you may love her and especially when she wants no part in it. She’s with a new man, she blocked all communication with you, and you are thousands of miles away. The odds are stacked against you Johny, I really don’t know what to tell you. Perhaps this is one of the rare occasion when you have to “let go” to have a chance at her some day. That way if you come to the stateside because that was your plan all along and not solely because of her, you may have a shot at her once more.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t offer more helpful advices Johny, I could only wish you the best from here on.
LOL… I understand it… She originated from the same country and city with me, she was my sister’s 1st grader.. And I think I am her type also… Do you think the distance between her and her new boy is near??? LOL they live in different states… I think his current location is in Philippine, but they only have chance to meet on the summer session.. And I am moving to the states next 2 or 3 months there with my parents soon… For sure because now my parents are in there…
Next week she is coming here, maybe I can accidentally see her somewhere.. It’s hard to describe, but I always see that the distance of her is very close to me.. I don’t mean from Thailand to US, but I mean when I get to US.. And I mean when we come back to our hometown after we graduate from college.. I am really sure our distance will be close :S
I just don’t know how to wait, how to improve myself to make her attracted to me back.. I need some ideas of improving myself to be better for her to accept me..
Hey. so this is sort of a complicated situation. me and my ex were dating about three months. until july 10th, when she broke up with me. she said the spark was gone, she still loves me with all her heart, and all that jazz. then, i did what you werent supposed to do. call her, pester her, basically all the mistakes you shouldnt do if you want to get your ex back. now she avoids me and thinks im an ass for doing all this stuff. basically, it seems hopeless. now she has a new guy in her life since july 24th. i dont know what to do to get her back now. it seems even more hopeless then before. a couple days ago, i talked to him on facebook, now shes mad at me for that. it seems like this could be just post break up, but its been about a month and she hates me even more. now they have known each other since the 24th and they hold hands and kiss and all this stuff. so it seems shes moved on and im stuck here trying to get over her but still want her so bad, even if it is just friends. ive got numerous ex back systems, but i really dont know if they are going to work. what do you suggest? if there is anything to suggest at all. thanks in advance. she is totally worth fighting for.
Brian,
Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but why did you not follow the advices of the ex back systems you have purchased? You did everything possible to make her hate you and you have absolutely not followed any of the good advices. I wouldn’t bring this up if you didn’t know any better, but you knew exactly what needed to be done brother. My apologies, I had to vent a little and now I got it out of my system.
Look at it this way, the bigger the mess you make, the longer it takes to clean them up. If you really want her back, you are going to have to spend a long time as a single man without any guarantees that she’ll ever love you again. Is it still possible to get her back? Most definitely, but I gotta be honest with you, the chances of her coming back has decreased dramatically.
This might sound like some zen bs, but I promise you it is not. In fact, it is the only thing you can do right now. You have to make amends with her as a parting gift. If she still answers you calls, then call her, if not email her, send her a letter, or reach her with facebook. Make your apologies short and clean. None of that “it was because”, “I didn’t mean to”, “because this and that”. Just tell her you are sorry for acting so immature for the past however long you guys have been broken up and say your goodbye. That’s it, hang up, press send, break your pen, or sign out.
After you’ve done that, first we’ll let her dictate the pace and see how long it takes before she contacts you again. Chances are good that she will try to reach you one way or another, but not necessarily because she’d want you back. If she does call you, treat her like a best friend and do not let her know that you still have feelings for her. Don’t make the mistake of professing your undying love to her just because she tried to contact you, it is not going to work.
That’s it for now, contact me again if she does not contact you within a month and we’ll move onto the next phase. If she does contact you, just remember the key is to have a friendship with her before you become her lover again. Patience Brian.
I broke up with a girl after dating her for 6 months…Nothing was really wrong I just wanted to be single for a while because we started dating right after my last relationship ended. A couple of months later when I wanted to get back together with her she had already started seeing someone else. Throughout the next few months we still kept in touch and even went out for coffee once. She would email me or I would email her once a month or so just to say hi.
Eventually we both mentioned that we would like to get together again. So we went out to dinner one night and unfortunately found out she was still going out with this guy. We still had a really great time together and one thing led to another and I told her I still had feelings for her. She told me the same thing. She had some complaints about her current bf and really didnt have anything good to say about him.
Two days later she told me she couldnt stop thinking of me so she told her bf she still had feelings for me. He basically made her feel guilty enough where she decided to keep seeing him even though she admitted she would rather be with me. Im not sure what to do now. We haven’t talked in a little over month but I really want to get in touch with her again. She is one of those girls that wants to avoid conflict and not make people feel bad but I feel we are both missing out on a great future together because this guy is making her feel guilty about breaking up with him. Should i wait for her to contact me or should i contact her?
Larry,
When you have feelings for someone, it’s easy to think everything they do is out of good intentions. But you have to remember that she’s not a child and she should be able to make her own decisions. Staying with someone you no longer have feelings for out of guilt? That doesn’t fly with most people.
She didn’t cheat on her boyfriend. She just happens to have a stronger connection to you and according to you, she came clean to him about her feelings towards you. I assume that she wanted to break up with him, but you are telling me that her bf was able to guilt her into staying with him. If she stays with him out of guilt, does that benefit anyone in the long run?
Let’s just say that she is “one of those girls that wants to avoid conflicts”, the trouble with that argument is that she didn’t avoid any conflict, but rather she brushed aside the problems that must have been dealt with. She created the conflict the minute she decided to go on a date with you, even though she was in a relationship with another man. She shouldn’t have to defend herself for falling in love with someone else, but there is no excuse on how she’s handled things so far.
In my opinion, if she hasn’t contacted you a month, then she did not stay with her bf out of guilt. Time for a reality check Larry, her boyfriend is not making her stay with him. If she is that good of goodie two shoes, then trust me, she wouldn’t have gone out on that date with you to begin with. You seem like a real good guy Larry, let me just tell you I do not think you are missing out on a great future with her. You could probably easily pry her away from her bf, but after you do that, it will be her ex boyfriend again who will make your life miserable. She’ll bounce back and forth from you to the current bf until one of you leaves.
Start a healthy relationship Larry, this one isn’t.
Hey exbackcoach why didn’t you answer me?? :S if I use the ex back system will it work???
Johny,
No matter how many times I read your questions again, I don’t see a single sentence you asking whether the ex back systems would work for your situation. I have to make sure you know this because I don’t want you to think that I was ignoring the question, you just didn’t ask it. Read your questions yourself and you’ll see what I mean.
Now that we got that out of the way, there is a reason why the ex back systems I recommend come with 60 day money back guarantees. There is no absolute certainty in this world and the same applies to your situation. These books will help most people in similar situation to yours, but you have to understand there are variables in all situation. If you read any of my answers to the questions in this post, you’ll see that I don’t advise everyone to go after their ex girlfriends. I try to give honest answers and sometimes they aren’t the answers my readers want to hear. I advised you to not go after your ex girlfriend because I just think you will be so much better off if you let go of the past.
The way I answer questions here is not whether or not the ex back systems would work and most of the times that’s not what people are asking. The system does work, but if you are seeking guarantees, then you’ll have to go to another site that will give you the answers you want to hear and not an honest assessment of your situation. My advice is still the same, just let it go Johny. But if you are going to come to the US and you are going to try to get your girl back, then yeah, look for guidance in the book you have purchased. That is assuming you have purchased the books we recommend here at our site, we cannot tell you the quality of the books that we do not promote.
I hope that answers your questions Johny.
Well with a girl who is moving into her own place by herself has a new bf she considers real hot how do you beat that. I mean me and my ex have two kids together we talk quite often but she tells me she wants to be my friend that shes happy in her new relationship. Is my best method just to be her friend and get as close as i can to her as possible and then take over if her new relationship fails? She does touch me during visits but she says its because shes so used to me and that shes not flirting with me as she doesn’t flirt or cheat when with someone. What should my plan of attack be if her new relationship fails in the next few months or years? She is doing a very good job at just being my friend and not allowing me to cross the line very often while shes taken. She also won’t agree with me for a second chance she doesn’t want to think about the future relationship not working out. One thing that is weird is sometimes well talk for 5 hrs on the phone or hangout for hrs does this help my position if she becomes single again in the future. One last thing she does tell my brother that she hopes I get a new gf so I can be happy as if shes expecting her new relationship to last and that just irritates me when she knows I want her back. There must be some way to win her heart back someway to create feelings of comfort in her and attack when she becomes available again. Any ideas for the impossible?
Nathan,
To imagine the current relationship between your ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend, all you have to do is to look back to when you and your ex first started dating. We all know how great that first 6 months of honeymoon period is and for some people it may even last for up to a year. I don’t know how long your ex girlfriend and her new man have been dating, but it’s unlikely that you can come between them at this stage.
I see quite often women dating the first decent guy available after breaking up, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with your ex. She’s been friends with her current boyfriend for a year before they started dating and that tells me that it’s unlikely that the new guy is a rebound boyfriend. That is not particularly a good news for you.
You guys broke up on bad terms and yet, she seems to still adore you. She may not have passions for you anymore, but she surely seems to care deeply about you. She may be trying to make the best of the relationship she has with you because of the kids, but it’s puzzling why she would talk to you on the phone for hours on if she just wanted to be friends. By the way, your ex telling your brother that she wants you to be happy with a new gf means nothing. Broken up people say it like a broken record. It’s a defense mechanism taking over most of the time and it’s like saying “I’m happy with my new life without my ex and I have a such a big heart that I want my ex to be happy with a new partner as well”.
When there are children involved in a break up, your ex dating someone new is not something casual that you can simply be happy for. The new girlfriend or the new boyfriend could potentially become a step father or a step mother and it’s a lot more complicated than people make it out to be.
I think it’s all going to come down to a marathon and she’ll eventually come back to you if you stick around long enough. But unfortunately we can never be sure of the future and you might end up wasting your time waiting for someone who would never come back. Will you chance it or will you not? It’s not a question I can help you answer. I can tell you for a fact that based on what you’ve told me so far, you have a great chance at winning her back if you stick around and be patient. Don’t tell her you want her back right now or that you’ll wait for her until she comes back. She doesn’t want to hear those things right now.
You have to let her figure out what she wants in her life. She’ll eventually have problems with the guy and unlike an ex boyfriend that she never has to see, you’ll always be near by for her to lean on. It could take a month or it could take a year, but I think you can get her back if you play your cards right. What you need to do is quite simple, just be a good friend to her. Live your life normally as you would and date new people if the opportunity arises. Just live your life and stick around and I promise you that you’ll see small cracks where you can squeeze in and turn it into a big hole.
There is a such thing as a “magic bullet” for certain kinds of breakups, but there’s so much history in your relationship to your ex that such frivolous tactics could never work. If you want her back, just stick around and you will get your opportunity. But remember this too, you can be starting something just as special with someone new with a clean slate. In the end, it’s up to you Nathan. Best of luck to you my friend, I truly mean it.
Very good advice exbackcoach I was thinking the same thing you were. Allthough she tries to act like shes moving on for good she mentions all the time that shes not trying to be serious with this guy. She doesn’t want to throw the responsibility of the kids onto him or make him pay for things for her. Shes living on her own not with him which says a lot to me. I realize that she will never come back to living with me at my home and have the old relationship back but she may be open to starting a new one in a new area. She is going to collect child support from me to help her get her on her feet but shes agreeing to joint custody and is allowing me to visit her and the kids quite a bit. When her bf is not around we talk on the phone a lot and I help her with different questions or things she has on her mind. She just doesn’t want me to talk about her breaking up with her new bf she wants to think its going to work out longterm even though its a sad chance since he is younger than her and still finishing highschool. She has trust issues with me from what I have done in the past and I have been working very hard to regain as much trust as possible with her. I will always be around her because of the kids and I think your right it’s only a matter of time before she eventually realizes that I have changed and it’s best we are a family again a happy one. I just have to be patient and get as close to her as I can. My ex is worth waiting for and I can always casually date until then and leave her in the dark about it and I need to keep quiet about ho I feel about her as your right she doesn’t want to hear me blab about wanting to get back together. I trully do beleive she has a lot of feelings she just does not want to be hurt. She has told me if they broke up that she said the most likely scenario is she would stay single for a while but I don’t think that would mean much do you?
Nathan,
I’m glad you guys are handling your situation so maturely, it is so important that you guys keep a healthy relationship for the children. You are stepping up with the child support (as you should of course) and she’s being reasonable with the terms of the joint custody. You two seem like a very reasonable and kind people.
To answer your question, I don’t think there is much to her saying how she would stay single for a while if she broke up with her current boyfriend. She’s trying to tell you that she won’t go back to you even if she were to break up with her new man and she’s probably saying it because you’ve been asking her to come back to you. You are telling her about the possibility of her breaking up and she’s saying “you won’t be the one I go back to even if I do breakup with my boyfriend”. It’s just a standard reply to an ex boyfriend.
The fact that she’s going out with someone who is still finishing high school (I’m thinking not an underage but an adult trying to pass GED), could be either a sign that the break up with you was very traumatic for her or that she wants to feel in control. She seems like a strong and responsible woman, really not the type who goes after the lackluster types. I did not of course have the pleasure of meeting them, but I too believe their relationship will not last.
By the way, if you are going to date someone new, I believe you should do it openly. You’ve already told me that she had some trust issues with you and the last thing you want is to make that worse. I told you to start dating again if you wanted, because it helps no one that you wait miserably for someone who may never come back. Dating will show you the possibilities beyond your current aspiration for your relationship to you ex and you may even meet someone who you could really get to like. Also, bringing something different in your life will bring out some sort of reaction from you ex girlfriend and that could also give you some signs for things to come.
If you stay the same, do the same, speak the same words, and essentially stay the same old Nathan, than you’ll get nothing more than the same answers you’ve been getting from your ex so far. Mix things up a little and live your life, not to make your ex jealous or to use it as leverage, but because you should live your life open to all possibilities.
It’s always good to hear from you Nathan and as always, best of luck my friend.
I stepped up to the plate today because I noticed a pattern with my ex. She will go from being nice to just being plain mean. for example sometimes she will call and talk for hours about what’s going on in her life and other times if I call her she will answer in an irritated tone with what do you want im busy right now. With my parenting time she used to be on it lately including today she has been very lazy this is. She told me she couldnt allow me parenting time that I would have to reschedule due to some sudden changes in plans. Apparently her mother could not attend so she asked me to reschedule. I told her no that I was not going to break the court order. Now she goes after me again saying well go find someone that will be willing to attend such as my cousin and that you may have to pay to get him to agree. Exback coach that is insane insane!!! Here is my ex who is required by a court order to find someone to attend everyone of my parenting times and she tells me to go find someone for her when it’s her job to do that. I told her I am seeing my kids on sat at 10 am like the order says and it’s up to you to find someone to help you attend if you don’t show up I will let the court know you broke the order and win full custody of the kids. Guess what happens she immediately gets ahold of her cousin and tells him he needs to come attend parenting time and she said she will be there. Are you kidding me I used to have this girl wrapped around my finger and now shes trying to be in control of me rediculous. I noticed with several other things when I do something nice for her just to be nice I get know credit for it she still treats me horribly within another day. I feel I must stay in control and forget about trying to get her back being nice to her and trying to change for her is not going to do the least bit of good. I have come to realize I must be a man and not let her dictate what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Me becoming a man dating other women and not letting my ex have control of me may create attraction and if she splits with her bf later on well then I may have my chances. It’s clear though she only wants to get along and be friends on her terms and I cannot allow that even if she uses threats when I don’t go through with her wishes. It is funny she calls me a demanding jerk for forcing her to follow through with the court order and not giving in to her way and allowing her to reschedule. I think I did the right thing women are not attracted to men they can order around and walk all over by using threats. What do you think am I doing the right thing? Does not putting up with my ex’s demands and trying to be nice create attraction? I wanted to originally be nice for being such a mean person in my past but doing that only makes her use me and I get little respect when im nice. If im mean she threatens not to talk to me or simply avoids me when i don’t follow through with her wishes. It doesn’t matter right if she uses threats if I stick to my guns it should create attraction in the long run right to be the dominant male and stick to my decision of not following her orders?
LOL ex back coach… She broke up with him after 1 week together… I know it was a rebound relationship, hmmm I did read the book Magic of Making Up.. I used the second chance letter to her… I sent her message:
It’s 14th and I didn’t manage to do any video for you.. After 1 month and half I’ve been deciding what to do.. Now I already decided and I just want to drop off a short note to let you know that I am totally ok about accepting the break up… And want to let you know how sorry I am for not doing what I had promised to you before… It is totally disrespectful to you… I apologize that I can’t do like what I said…
LOL!! Good news.. I am now so lucky, never meet bad luck though
and I enjoy my days so much with my friends.. I can see the sun rises in the morning and the sun sets in the evening, by not staying in my room all the time stalking and crying like hell… LOL it was really funny if I look back to what I tried to do…
Anyway… Love to fill you in.. but in the future maybe.. I need some space for myself right now… And you shouldn’t think that I am still stalking on you… No one will bother your life anymore.. It’s all over
She replied me suddenly after she saw it
i appreciate ur words…and thnx alot if all u said are true…continue to have fun more…if these are all true then u made me less hating u…LIKE I SAID thanks if all you said are true have fun….
I think this can’t lead me to start any of the conversation back to her… And they said “People want what they don’t have, people don’t want what they have” Now she doesn’t have me, I can see the reaction of her.. But I don’t know that if I use the “No contact method” she will come to me first or not..
So I want to ask you what to do now after I succeed the first step???
I am also doing the no contact method. I gave my ex an altamtum I simply said im not gonna be just your friend I will only talk to you if your single. So basically im gonna have no contact with her except to pass the kids back and forth each week and possibly one family day not sure yet. Do you think it was a good idea since she continues to mention that shes very happy with her bf and that I must be doing good with meeting differen’t girls. I am not happy at all and being her friend is not making her want me more shes actually getting the best of both worlds by being my friend and getting to date this other guy. She may never contact me again what do you think if they break up do you think she will contact me or was I pretty much ending are relationship completely for good? Even though we dated almost 6 years I don’t see her showing any signs of feelings for me since shes been with this other guy how does she manage to get over me completely and never look back?
Nathan,
On your last response you seemed so upbeat and excited about how things were developing with your ex girlfriend, so this isn’t something I expected to hear from you. Nevertheless, the relationship between broken up couples is inevitably all too volatile and fragile.
To try to help you the right way, I need to look at the story from your ex girlfriend’s perspective as well. I can’t blindly take your side and assess the situation from your point of view only. I believe the best way to help you is to be as objective as possible.
I said on my last response that she probably wants to feel in control of things and that may have something to do with the way you treated her while you were couples. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I’ve gathered from you so far, it seems to me that you were in total control of every aspect of your relationship with her. If this is true, in some ways it’s really no surprise that she wants to wield her power now that she is empowered. You want her, she doesn’t want you, and naturally the balance of power has shifted towards her.
I don’t know if you were the type to help with the children’s everyday chores, but I might also mention that sometimes she may snap at you because she now has to take care of the children all on her own and anyone who has raised a kid knows parenting is a fulltime job. I’m sure the children mean everything to her, but being a working mom means she’s always tired, stressed, and as a result she could be touchy at times.
She seemed as though she was handling the custody issue in a reasonable manner, it’s a shame that she tried to break the court order. I think you were telling me that she demanded you reschedule instead of perhaps asking you to help her out one time. The person you are describing this time seems so different from the person who you spoke of originally.
You obviously cannot succumb to every one of her demands, but when deciding how much to give in, we also have to factor in the kind of a boyfriend you were to her in the past. By you own words you were very mean to her while you were couples and unless she’s the type of woman who puts herself in a submissive position in every relationships that she’s had, has and will, continuing the trend of being the bad boyfriend will not do much in terms of courting her back.
Find the right balance Nathan. There is a lot of history in your relationship with her and there are two precious children right in the middle of it. Don’t give in to every one of her demands, that’s a given regardless of whether or not you want her back. Try to reason with her as much as possible instead of taking hostility to the next level. Once there’s bad blood between ex couples, custody battles ensues and I will tell you right now they are costly and draining both financially and mentally.
Don’t try to be the dominant male Nathan. In order to dominate you have to subdue something or someone. Even if initially some weak minded person might feel attraction to such control, a relationship where the two parties involved are clearly divided in their roles as the “domineer” and the “dominated”, cannot hope to have a long lasting healthy relationship. Find the right balance Nathan, that’s the best advice that I can give you.
Johny,
You say she was with the guy for one week before breaking up? That’s not even a rebound boyfriend. Are you sure she just isn’t the type that likes to jump from guy to guy?
My original advice to you was to let go of her and for you to get over this break up. I’m sorry to say, but my opinion hasn’t changed one bit. However, if you are going to try to get her back anyways, I suggest you have a realistic plan to be near her before you do anything. You did well by letting her know that you are ready to move on and making apologies for whatever you might have done wrong. At the end of the day though, this is all talk before you are able to be near her.
My opinion on your situation still stands the same and I do not believe in making life plans solely for the sake of winning back someone you love. But you are your own man and I don’t think you are going to give up on her without a fight. This is all good, but reality dictates that you need to be near her and nothing that I tell you now can get you guys back together under present circumstances.
Normally, you must not contact her after making your apology and saying your goodbye, but there is no next step until you close the distance to her. We can continue this discussion once you come to the US and only then you’ll have any realistic chance of winning her back. Take care of yourself Johny and contact me again if you need to.
Nathan,
It’s been less than 2 weeks since the first time you and I have exchanged words here. In a very short time, your situation seems to have turned from hopeful to hopeless. The words you speak of her are very contradictory to the words you spoke of her less than a week ago. This is the reality of broken up couples, it’s a very tricky relationship to maintain and for you guys maintaining that relationship is a must because of your children.
I told you on one of my response to your question that there is such thing as a “magic bullet” for some breakups, but that it did not correspond to your break up. There is too much history in your relationship with your ex girlfriend that it makes it very difficult for most “tactics” to work for your situation.
Key elements such as being patient, never showing desperation, and not showing your true emotion until the right time, should always be followed. However, trying to make her jealous, being mean to her, or displaying your dominance is no way to win her back in your situation.
I’ll be honest with you Nathan, you are being too impatient and I’m starting to doubt that you have enough patience in you to let her ride this out on her own for now. You can’t force her to come back to you, and you can’t convince her to come back to you, then you must first let her figure out what she wants in her life. Let some time pass, let things cool down a little, and once you have a better understanding of the situation, you’ll be able to make smarter decisions.
The problems that led to your break up must have persisted for a long period. You may think she got over you overnight and you may have a hard time believing that, but the truth is that she may have been slowly getting over you even when she was in a relationship with you. This isn’t a case where a frivolous tactic can win over an ex girlfriend and everyone can live happily ever after. It’s going to take time for her to heal from the break up and from whatever that may have led to break up with you.
For now Nathan, give her some space and just watch how things develop.