One of the ugliest experience in my teenage years was when my girlfriend of then had dumped me. Boy did I want her back badly, but I had no idea how to go about getting her back. Looking back, I had made so many obvious mistakes and I could see now why my ex girlfriend ended up ignoring me completely. Later in life I had my second and last dumping from my girlfriend, but I was able to get her back. I’m going to tell you exactly what you should do to get your girlfriend back as well.
Wait, wait, and wait – If there is one thing that I could tell you for sure, is that your ex girlfriend will not take you back right after the breakup. Whether she got bored of you, she was unfaithful to you, you were too immature, and or whatever reason for the breakup, you just have to know that she will not take back the problem she just dumped.
Forget you knew her – Do not under any circumstances contact her while you wait, wait, and wait a little more. The point of waiting is so that she resets all her thoughts about you. She will not have many fond memories of you right after dumping you and you want those negative thoughts to flush out. If you call her, text her, or e-mail her, you would only reinforce the negative and she won’t press that reset button in her brain.
Be good to yourself – If you think for one second that you can love someone without knowing how to love yourself, you are fooling yourself. Take care of your body and mind. Take good care of your soul if you are a religious person and it will help you get through this tough period.
you watch this video
Make real changes – There are things that girlfriends want but boyfriends are not so good at. What these things are depend on the particular relationship, but the point is there is always room for improvements. Make real changes that your ex girlfriend can see or feel for herself. If you have to convince someone that you are a different person, then the changes you’ve made are not as real as you may think.
Reconnect – Contact her only when you are convinced that you have made real changes that your ex girlfriend will appreciate. Reaching out to an ex after a long breakup is quite easy and your girlfriend will let you have your say. This is why we waited, waited, and waited patiently a little more.
Be honest – She isn’t some girl you are trying to hook up for a one night stand. Be honest to her about your feelings and your intentions, she will return the favor with honesty as well.
I know it’s not easy to muster the guts to take up on the challenge of getting your girlfriend back after getting dumped. But if you truly love her and you want her back, you just can’t give up now. Here’s a link to a method that will give you the best shot to get your ex girlfriend back, =>Click Here<= for it. See for yourself what the relationship expert Ashley Kay has to say about your chances of getting back with your ex girlfriend.
Hello Coach. I read bunch of questions and answers on other pages. I don’t know if this is the place to ask questions but this is the page I got to find your website, so I’ll just ask my question here. I cheated on my girlfriend twice in the 3 years we were together and she caught me red handed both times. She caught me kissing another girl at a club once and the second time I got caught when I forgot to log off from the email account I used with the girl I cheated on her. I was her first boyfriend and she was really in love with me. I think that’s probably why she forgave me the first time. The second time I cheated on her she didn’t forgive me so easily. I begged and I begged for her to forgive me and it took 2 months of that for her to take me back. I know I messed up and I also know that I’m a lucky guy because she forgave me twice for cheating. All of this happened on the first and on the second year together coach and we were happy for the last year we were together. Then she cheated on me one day and she said she wanted to feel sorry to me for what she did, but that she couldn’t no matter how hard she tried. I was really mad and really sad, but I forgave her on the spot. I told her that I deserved it and that I didn’t care. I hurt her twice and I wasn’t going to let one mistake she made ruin what we had. I was lying. Because even though I did forgive her for her cheating, I didn’t really feel that I deserved it. I thought what happened is already is in the past and if we keep hurting each other for the bad things we did in the past, there would be no end to it. But I wanted her back badly coach and I didn’t really care for anything for as long as she would come back. Sadly my girlfriend left me for the other guy and it has been 3 months since they started dating and the relationship still continues. I really want her back and I will do anything if it means that I can have her back. I call her sometimes and she always takes my calls. When she can answer my calls, she either texts later to say sorry or she calls me back. We usually talk about our day and I sometimes bring up how great she was to me. I also tell her that I still love her but she doesn’t really say anything when I tell her that. Is it possible for her to stay with me for over a year even though she was still mad about me cheating on her? I know I cheated on her twice and that’s messed up but she never apologized for her cheating on me either. I don’t really care if she’s still mad at me or if she doesn’t feel sorry for what she did, I just want her back coach and that’s all I care really. Did mess this up too badly coach? Is there still a chance?
Hello Jaime,
Unfortunately, it is possible for someone to stay with you for a long time even when they haven’t completely forgiven you for your mistakes in the past. If that’s the case with your ex girlfriend, I wouldn’t know, but I also have no reason to disbelieve your ex girlfriends words. She did say that she wanted to feel sorry for cheating on you but that she couldn’t, I think that’s proof enough that she never truly forgave you for your infidelity. Although, that doesn’t really mean that she cheated on you to take revenge on you. She could have just cheated on you because she was attracted to another man and it just happens so that she doesn’t feel any remorse because you had already cheated on her twice. If you put yourself in her shoes, it’s not really hard to understand her logic.
I’ll be honest with you Jaime, this one looks like a real tough one. Think about it, you guys were together for 3 years. You cheated on her on the first year, the second year, and she dumped you on the third year your relationship. It almost seems like she got herself out of the relationship right about before the next infidelity would kick in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you would have cheated on her had she stayed with you, but if the first and the second year is any indication… you can see how she could have felt she was sitting on a ticking bomb.
Darn it Jaime, it’s enough to earn the biggest hatred by cheating once, you are asking me how to earn the trust of someone you cheated on twice… this is a real tough one. My first recommendation would be for you to move on with your life and let her live her life in peace, but somehow I doubt that’s what you will do. I don’t know if this will get her back to you, but I really think that you should just stand beside her and show her that you are there for her no matter what. No words you speak and no promises you make will help you earn her trust. You just have to show her that you really love her and that’s it. That’s all you can do Jaime.
Stick around for as long as you have to or for as long you are willing, but please be sure you do not hurt her anymore. Chances are she is not going to take you back, so when and if she does ask you to leave her be, honor her wish if you really love her. She’s answering your calls and you guys still speak on a regular basis, use this time to heal her and to heal yourself. Don’t think of it as a time to do something to get her back, help her heal and you’ll be healed as well Jaime. I’m here if you want to talk more, take care.
My Girlfriend recently left just a few weeks ago. We had been going out for 6 and a half weeks. Now i know that you shouldnt fall easily for a girl and i tried not too….But before i realized it i did…Then she goes off and leaves me… her reasons were that she still had feelings for the guy before me. So now i will tell you how her and the guy before me broke up. Her best friend told her that the guy was cheating on her so she broke up with him then starting going out with me. Unfortunately when she learned that he wasnt cheating on her, she was with me by that time. So she tried to forget and move on but she couldnt. So now here i am….her loving her ex the way i could only wish for her to love me. She tells me i have no chance but i wanna prove that wrong because i’ve always went against the odds and came out on top….so now coach i ask you…..What should i do now? me and her discussed this last night and it didnt go over well at all…So now what? Please help and thanks for takin your time to read this.
Hello Herox,
The first thing this girl does right after she suspects her boyfriend of cheating, is stickin’ it to him by going out with another guy, you. She doesn’t even wait to confirm whether her boyfriend was really cheating or not and she just had to exact her revenge. You were used in that dumbass plot of hers and you still want this girl back? I’m sorry to say, but this has nothing to do with going against the odds and coming on top. She’s just an insecure, selfish, and self-serving brat that deserves to be stuck with an ass#ole. Get your head straight and run away from this girl as fast as you can. You know I’m right about this and any men with a backbone would tell you the same. Ditch the 8itch.
Hello Herox,
I think I owe you an apology. I let myself get carried away last night and I called your ex girlfriend a name I should not have. No matter what I think of her, I should be more considerate of your feelings towards her. I did not edit my reply to you as a reminder to act more professionally. You have my sincere apologies Herox.
Coach it is all fine. I’ve recently learned some quite interesting details on my situation. For one i found out she went back to the guy but he moved away about 2 weeks ago to another start just like 2 hours away. I know for a fact she will leave him now because she will want to always be with him and her parents despise the guy. Therefore she no longer has a way to see him but only to talk to him. Long story short she’ll be back. She said she still wants to be with me but she felt they never had a real relationship since they broke up so early. I give it a week or two and she will be begging me back once again. So now i ask you coach how does this sound? Also….should i take her back or not?
Coach. I thought about your advice for days until I finally realized you were right. If should be there for her no matter what if I love her and even though I still want her back that should not be my main concern. Maybe I’m just feeling more positive since I took your advice but the last three days my ex girlfriend started laughing a lot when we talk on the phone. I think it’s because I no longer tell her stuff from our past and I just try to make a fun conversation with her. I tell her a little bit about my day and she tells me a little about hers and we just have fun like that. I still worry that one day the new boyfriend is going to mean so much to her that she would want to stop talking to me but I try my best to just worry about her. I don’t know if she will ever take me back but I’m going to make sure she knows how sorry I am about cheating on her and that I really forgive her for cheating on me. Maybe this is how I’m going to move on but whatever the case I am feeling so much better coach. I think you’ll be seeing more of me in the future because I’m not sure I’m done asking questions
. Thank you for everything coach.
Hey Herox,
I don’t know that the new boyfriend’s move to another state automatically means that she will be coming back to you, but if it does, it only means that she’s just using you as a fallback option. This doesn’t change anything, at least not anything that really matters and my view on the matter hasn’t swayed a bit. Should you take her back? That’s a decision you will have to make on your own, but I can tell you what I would do, I would not take her back and play second fiddle to anyone. You asked and that’s my honest opinion Herox. Take care buddy.
You right coach it appears that day by day i learn more about her new boyfriend. I’ve concluded that he’s a complete cocky idiot who wants to fight anyone that stands in his way. Now of course i’ve fantasized of fighting him all the time, especially since he wants to fight me and im way stronger than him. But then i will be playing his game. She will hate me then because i would hurt her presicious boyfriend so now im just gonna walk away with it. You advices has helped me alot coach, it has gotten me to move on and just forget all about her and her stupid boyfriend. But if i get cornered then whose to say i wont fight him. But that would be a big mistake on his half. But anyways thats a other matter so Thanks coach for taking your personal time to help me.
Me and my girlfriend been together for 5 years and she cheated on me twice while we were still in a relationship. The first time she cheat on me I still wanted to her back but I didn’t have to do anything to get my wish. She came right back to me after I found out about her dating some other loser and she was all over me for a week asking me to forgive her. All my friends told me to dump her but I wanted her back because I still loved her and forgave her for everything without much drama. This happened 1 year and 6 months after we started dating. We had some ups and downs like all couples but we were great for the next 3 years and some months before cheat on me again. It’s not like my ex girlfriend is a serial cheater, she cheat on me two times but in 5 years. Even though my girlfriend dumped me this time after cheating on me I still want her back because I don’t think she is a serial cheater. I think she should have cheated on me a lot more than 2 times in 5 years if she really was a terrible person. She left me 6 months ago and I heard that she did broke up with the guy who she cheat on me. I think that’s good for me but I have no idea how I should get her back. My best friend told me I was an idiot if I tried to get her back and he told me that just by wanting her back I was asking for more trouble. I know I am very forgiving of her because I want her back but don’t you also think that she should have cheat on me a lot more if she was such a terrible person? I want to believe that we still have a chance and I already know she’s not a bad person. I would like to know what you think about my situation. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my message coach. Thank you and take care.
Hello Mark,
I have to say, your friends were right about dumping her the first time your ex girlfriend cheat on you and your best friend is also right this time for suggesting that you should drop this. You speak as if cheating twice in 5 years is a very conservative number and that’s a clear indication that you are allowing your emotions to cloud your mind. Cheating once is one time too many and when it happens twice with the same person, no matter how long in between the incidents, you have to recognize that there is a pattern. Your ex girlfriend is a serial cheater and that’s the truth.
I don’t want to hurt your feelings any more than it already had to suffer, but the reality of it is, is the fact that she just happen to have been caught twice. You get my drift? You seem like a very trusting guy and some people would call that gullible, which is the reason why you found out about only two cheating incidents. Some people really get off on cheating and moving from guy to guy is just not exiting or dirty enough for them. So ironically, people like your ex girlfriend need a stable, trustworthy and let’s not omit “steady” boyfriend.
Any girl would be lucky to have someone like you as a boyfriend, but unfortunately you are also the perfect kind of man to someone like your ex girlfriend. It’s time to accept what’s happened and move on with your life Mark. You deserve much better than her and believe me you will be so much happier if you would just allow yourself to forget about this girl. I always say, give yourself the same advice you would give to a friend in the same circumstances and that’s what you should be doing. That’s my two cents Mark. You take care of yourself buddy.
hello coach, me and my girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up or some strange reasons that still confuse te he’ll out of me. apparently she missed being single having the freedom to do whatever she wants without having to commit to anyone anyways things have been goin bad before that though we were on two so called “breaks” and I thought maybe time apart woul do us good but hen we broke up this week and I was devastated I love this girl to death and ima be honest I do see the error of my ways like I did get jealous ere and there but I was willing to work on it. I pleaded her give us anothe shot but she was firm with her decision as much as she cried she just wanted to be single and it’s just hard cause I want her back but feel if I do something like try to talk to her it will only push he away any advice doc
Hello Jovani,
There’s something that all the men should know and it is this, when it comes to a romantic relationship a break is not a break, a break is a break up that is done over a long period of time. Your girlfriend knows that if she tells you the truth and breaks up with you, then she will have to deal with your crying or begging or both and since she doesn’t love you anymore, she doesn’t want to deal with the extra stress. But if she told you that she needed a break… you’ll let her go in peace thinking that time away will really solve your problems and all she has to do is ignore you, problem solved.
Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away and even though there are rare occasions when a break might serve well, the truth is that almost all couples in healthy relationships resolve their differences quickly, rather than brushing them aside hoping for the best. She broke up with you because she no longer loves you and because the passion had fizzled. You have to face the truth whether you want to go ahead and try winning her back or even if you want to move on with your life. The truth often hurts, but I’ll take painful truth any day over sweet lies.
Give her some space for now, you won’t be trying to use the “no contact” strategy or anything, it’s just that she really does need some time away from you right now. Pushing the issue will only make things worse and quite frankly waiting is the only option you’ve got. I would much rather that you just try to move on with your life without her, but somehow I doubt that’s what you are going to do. Because she’s made it so clear that she’s lost the passion for you, the odds of you turning this around is very slim. Take this time accept the break up. If she comes back to you, then I will be happily wrong for you. But instead of waiting and hoping for the best, I do think you should try to face the reality for what it is. You know where to find me if you want to talk more, be well Jovani.
a little update coach, first of I wanna thank you for your insight. I cut everything that reminded me of her
idk what to make of this but she really kept putting depressing stuff on her Facebook. that she had nothing and what not last night I called her didnt plead or anything she started to cry when I asked her about how she was doing and said every time she is happy it last for a short while when we broke up I had to make it official cause she was still confused on what to do . another background on her she works with alot of girls and they been advicin her to live life for her with no limits. I used deductive reasoning and figured her co workers most likely made her think deep about us. so where I’m going with this is I’m thinking she still loves me
just she is confused today she asked why I still wanna talk cause it still hurts her and I more than happily backed off I just want her to know I still care about her without her thinking I don’t if I don’t talk to her so maybe your advice is right on about giving her some time alone to do what she wants and me continue with my life I accepted the break up already I still want her back but she still is an emotional wreck.
Hey Jovani,
You guys have been together for 3 years, in a way it’s only natural that she’s depressed about the whole situation with the break up. I know she’s the one who ended the relationship ultimately, but there could still be mixed feelings about the whole deal and I’m sure a part of her regrets breaking up with you. I don’t know how much influence her co-workers could have had on her life altering decisions, but I think the break you guys had was a good indication that she was preparing to end the relationship with you. I seriously doubt that an adult could be coerced into breaking up with someone they love by someone they work with.
Don’t make too much of what she posts on her Facebook and you shouldn’t read too much into her crying over the phone either. Some girls have a break up routine and one of the most prevalent ones you see are the melodramatic expression of their sadness for an end. Sometimes the drama has nothing to do with you, but they sure make it seem like it is. You must remember that you wanted to give your relationship another try, but she was the one who rejected it. It doesn’t matter how much she cried then and how sad she still is, the fact remains that she broke up with you and she doesn’t want you back.
Get the facts straight if you want to win your ex girlfriend back. I know it may sound cold, but getting her back will prove nearly impossible if you continue to blame the break up on her co-workers. You should also accept the fact that she no longer loves you. Hoping for something isn’t going to make it true, but if you work at it, then it always has a chance of becoming a reality. If I were you I would start things off from scratch instead of trying to pick things up from where everything fell apart. Just my two cents Jovani, I’m here if you would like to talk more. Goodbye for now.
i wish to have her back as soon as possible
hey coach update again and once again thanks for your advice. over the couple of days I’ve thought about why she wanted to break up and I sent her an email explainig to her that I understood. on Monday she invited me to her house to talk things through while our emotions are at a somewhat level. she told me she loved me and wanted me back badly but right now it was a matter of being by herself and experiencing life on her own. she kissed and hugged me and got touchy I left and been trying to apply the no contact rule but she keeps
txtig me random questions. I really want her back and pour my heart out towards her but I’m keeping it cool by trying not to talk to her but she keeps
asking just random questions and posting on my Facebook statuses I wanna avoid the dreaded friends with benefit zone either she’s with me or not
I wish the same for you sunny.
Hey Jovani,
Keep it simple and think about only the things that have real life consequences. Her talk about being by herself and experiencing life on her own will only detract you from the reality of things. Whether she knows it or not, she’ll continually feed on the love and support you provide for her until she can stand on her two feet and then she will move past you like you never existed if you buy this whole “experiencing life on my own” ideals of hers. What you don’t understand is that she needs you just as much you need her, but the need of you guys are of course very different from one another.
It’s always difficult to convince any man to sever his ties with his ex girlfriend, but in your case that is what you’ll have to do in order to get your girlfriend back. You don’t seriously think that she will come running back to you after she’s had enough of her being on her own thing do you? Tell her you respect her decision to experience life on her own, but ask her to stop contacting you because you need her out of your life to move past her and to look forward to something new. When you love someone, you either love the whole person or it’s no love at all. She should not ask for your love and support if she isn’t willing to do the same for you. The alternative is to wait and hope for the best. The choice is yours Jovani. Take care.
My ex girlfriend is the nicest person I ever met and she was by far the best girlfriend I ever had. I know exactly why she dumped me and the reason was because I was a terrible boyfriend to her. I wasn’t always so bad but I think it felt ok to treat her bad because she would put up with any garbage I threw at her. We went out for 2 years and the first year I was always good to her because she always went out of her way to make things good for me. The problem started on our second year and this was the time when i got fired from my job. My girlfriend told me to take my time to search for a job that I really wanted and she said she would take care of us both. I parted ways with my roommate and I moved in with my ex girlfriend. She tried to be even nicer than usual because I think she didn’t want me to feel like I wasn’t welcome. Anyway the job search was tougher than imagined and the truth is I gave up after a month. From that point on my job was watching tv and playing video games all day long. I wouldn’t even go food shopping with her and she paid for everything. I feel so shamed as I tell you all this but I didn’t even do the dishes. The kitchen was filthy when she came home from work and even then she was still nice to me. By some miracle I sort of woke up one day and I realized I was wasting my life. This was about after 3 months of living as a bum. I got lucky and I got a job that paid about the same that I used to get paid and the hours were good too. But instead of paying my ex girlfriend back for what I owed her I spent the money on myself and I deposited the rest in my bank account. This went on for months until one day she came home and told me she no longer had the love to put up with me. It hit me right there and then that I made the biggest mistake in my life. I found my soulmate but instead of loving her and caring for her I took advantage of her. I wanted her back and I wanted to talk to her but she told me she was giving me 2 weeks to move out and she didn’t come home until I left. I moved out and I tried contacting her ever since but she hasn’t spoken to me once. I at least wanna give her the money that I owe her to show her that I really am sorry. I don’t know what I was doing coach and now I know I was the biggest jerk in the world. But I love her and I want her back and I will do whatever it takes to win her back. I don’t even care if I have to wait years to win her back but I want her back and I want repay her for everything she gave me. Not just the money but all the love she gave me. I really need your help coach. Thank you.
I was with a girl for five years we lived together.I was always hateful to her and started fights for no reasons she asked me to get help over and over for my anger or she was going to leave well it happend i didnt listen because i thought she would always be here and she told me she wasnt in love with and broke it off,and shes already talking to someone else..how can she move on so fast its only been three days..even if shes not in love with me she had to atleast care enough about me to not want to move on so fast.I love her so much I turly did and i never ment to push her away..I would do anything to show her that I can change and make her love the person she first met..I had a really bad childhood and it all builds inside me and i get so angry and run my mouth on her..im scared its too late to show her i want to change for us she wont even talk to me…
let me also make a note that i never hit the girl in anyway never laid a finger on here it was more of me running my mouth at her 24/7
Hello Larry,
All I can say after reading your message is wow… but a real bad wow and I can’t believe your ex girlfriend actually put up with you for a year. I’m sorry to say this Larry, but you were an a$$ to your ex girlfriend. It seems like you know it now, but I think you used the word “jerk” and that doesn’t even begin to describe who you were. I’ll be honest with you, I feel bad for you because I do believe that you love her, but I’m pessimistic about salvaging a relationship such as yours.
There are those who express their dissatisfaction instantly and there are those who keep it inside them until it grows too big and they just erupt. Your ex girlfriend without a doubt is the latter and when these people get angry… there’s almost no coming back from it. As optimistic I am about people and life in general, I also know that there’s no coming back from some mistakes in life. I almost wish she would have expressed her frustration earlier, but who’s to say that any less than a complete break up would have made you realize how wonderful she really was to you.
About paying back the money you owe her, I think that’s the least you can do, but nonetheless you deserve some praise for doing the right thing. Why don’t you write her a letter of apology and put it in an envelope together with a check made out to her. You could just put it inside her mail box or maybe you can slide it under her door. Just don’t mention anything about you wanting her back in the letter, let’s remember that she doesn’t even want to see you, let alone take you back.
You know, she took care of you while you were down and out, I think it’s only right that you give her back the money you owe her regardless of whether or not she takes you back one day. Maybe the first step to healing this wound is by setting things right with her. That’s it from me Larry. Come back anytime if you would like to discuss this further. Good luck.
Hello coach, i know it’s been awhile since i last posted on here. But i’ve moved on from my ex, like you said she used me and it was best to move on. But now i got a new situation! See i like this girl in my chemistry class, i dont know if she likes me back or if i even stand a chance. But its now the last week of school and she is a senior and after this year if i dont do anything then i might never see her again. I wanna go up to her and say something but thats my problem coach….i dont really know what to say. So i was wondering if you could help me to sorta figure out as to what to say. Anyways thanks for always taking your time to assist me in these problems coach. Oh and even though its one whole week left of school. With her being a senior she wont go to school friday because of graduation. I dont have a class with her after wednesday so i also need to decide on what day i should do this. Im not afraid of what other people will say so let me know what day you think i should do this. Thanks.
Hello Someone,
You know, maybe she did move on very fast or maybe she didn’t and it’s all an act. No one really knows but her, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she really did move on in only three days. The reason why I say that is because you basically pushed her over the edge and there comes a point when the only thing you feel for a person is but only hatred. I’m sorry about your bad childhood, but I don’t have the qualification to comment on that. What I do know is that there is no excuse for treating another human being like you treated your ex and I can understand how she could have turned on you like that.
You know, anger issues don’t go away in a day and it’s something that you must work on throughout your life. I’m trying to tell you that you haven’t dealt with your anger issues and therefore even if you have her back, the problem will repeat itself. I say this often to all the men who want their ex girlfriends back, fix the underlying problems before you do anything and don’t expect your ex girlfriend to take back the problem she just dumped. If you don’t at least make the effort to fix your problems, then maybe you really don’t deserve another chance with her. Do you get my drift?
Get professional help in anger management and become proactive in dealing with your problems. If you do really love her, then you wouldn’t and couldn’t put her through the same hell you put her through the first time around. If you want to be loved by her, then maybe you should give her your love first, not by telling her that she should be with you because you love her, but by doing right by her. That’s my two cents Someone. Best of luck stranger.
Coach i hope you answer the question i asked when you get a chance. i know its abit off topic but i need your advice on it.
Hello Herox,
Well, your question is off-topic for this site, but it has a lot more to do with what I do as my fulltime job during the day. I’ll be glad to help and don’t worry about bringing up off-topic stuff here. As you may have noticed, this site isn’t only about getting an ex girlfriend back, but it’s often about how to move on from an ex and at times I have people asking me how to ask a girl out as a follow up question. Trust me, you are not the first
.
OK, so about this girl. The first thing you have to understand about men is that almost all of them find it difficult to ask a girl out on a date. No matter what your buddies might have told you, they all pretty suck at picking up women. Do you know what it all means? It means that women have much lower expectation than you think lol~. A woman doesn’t expect you to look like Brad Pitt when you are asking her out on a date, but she would appreciate it if you were well groomed. She doesn’t expect you to be a smooth talker, but it would help if you can speak clearly with confidence.
You won’t know if you stand any chance at all with her unless you ask her out. If you ask her out and she rejects you, then at least you gave it a shot. But if you don’t give it a shot, she will always be remembered as the “what if girl” until the day you die. Try to find a moment when she’s not talking to another friend to make sure her attention is on you and no one else. Most men don’t know where to put their eyes when they get nervous when asking a girl out, but you are not going to do that because you are going to keep your eyes on her face and specifically her eyes.
The perfect conversation starter would be about her graduation and you can start out by congratulating her on that. If you never even said hi to her, then say hi to her and she’ll hi back to you, don’t forget to introduce yourself by name, then you can say something like “there’s only xx days left until school is over, we’ve been in the same class for months, I can’t believe I never said hi to you”, then say “I just wanted to congratulate you on your graduation. (she’ll say “thank you”) then follow it up with “Are you expecting any graduation present from your parents?”, then blah blah blah, and then you can ask her out right there and then, tell her you’ll buy her a cup of coffee for her graduation gift.
There’s really no time to get this done slowly and most women know in the first 10 seconds of the conversation whether she will go out on a date with you or not. I wish I knew more about this girl, like if you ever spoke to her or not, but this is the best that I can do with the information you’ve given me. Good luck Herox.
Thanks for the reply,I would never want her back to only treat her the way I did.It was very selfish of me..but I did see a therapist and they think I might have Bipolar Mania,so now im working on fixing myself before asking anyone to work out problems.
Hello Someone,
For what is worth, you have my biggest respect for making a very difficult decision to seek help in dealing with your anger issues. Nobody’s perfect and therefore we are all flawed to a degree, but most people find it very difficult to admit that they too are imperfect. I think it’s very respectable of you to at least entertain the possibility that you might need help.
If I could make one suggestion, don’t rely only on medication to help you deal with your anger issues (or possibly bipolar). I have seen firsthand how people with bipolar disorder or depression were able to manage their symptoms and go on to live a healthy and productive life with regular exercise, healthy diet and sleeping habits, and a wellness oriented lifestyle in general. They now live much happier lives than most people I know, so give it your best and you too can turn a difficult situation into an opportunity to excel.
Thank you for coming back to inform me of your progress, I truly appreciate your thoughtful gesture. Farewell stranger.
My and my girlfriend dated for 7 months. We were each other’s first. We always had our ups and downs. Last Wednesday she left me. The same day she started talking to one of her friends. The guy’s really nice and stuff but I can’t believe that after all we had been through and how much she had loved me, she would do that. The same day… I want her back. She said she left me because after all the chances she gave me I never changed. Now I see. I was too jealous and I was changing her. I have truly changed and I really want her back. I can’t live without her. Life’s not fun. I need her in my life. I know she still has feelings for me. I have tried talking to her but she refuses too. She’s posting on FB how that kid makes her really happy and stuff. She’s already telling that she loves him and nicknames like baby and stuff. They aren’t even dating yet. It took me around 1 to 2 months to get her to truth me enough to tell me that she loved me. She also told me that she could actually be herself with him. Any advice? I’m losing my mind without her.
Hello anonymous,
First off, you are going about getting your girlfriend back the wrong way. You shouldn’t chase after a girl who’s trying to run away from you, but instead, just let her run and let her tire herself out. She’s saying a lot of meaningful things about the new guy publically on FB and she’s not even going out with him yet. Don’t you see what she’s trying to do? She’s trying to show him off to you and you are giving her the satisfaction by playing the poor sap jealous ex boyfriend. Basically she has you right where she wants you.
She doesn’t love him and the fact that she’s being so brash about the new guy is a good sign. You don’t try to make an ex boyfriend jealous unless you still have feelings for him. The feeling might have been twisted into frustration and anger, but the fact that she still feels for you is a good sign. Stop contacting her and let her play her mind games until she tires herself out. If you continually react to every one of her little mind games, then she’ll have her fun and move on from you eventually. Let her have her fun for now and wait patiently until she runs out of steam.
My girlfriend dumped me after a big problem I had with her parents, but I still love her and I want her back coach. She and I had plans to get married. We didn’t get engaged but we were preparing for it, she met my parents and I met hers. We told our parents we wanted to get married and that’s when all hell broke loose. We were together for close to 2 years but we never met each other’s families. When my parents met my girlfriend they liked her a lot and the meeting went great. The problem started when I met her parents and I knew even though they didn’t say it to me, they didn’t like me. Privately my girlfriend’s parents were telling her that she could do better and that I behaved really dumb. I know this because my girlfriend told me about it after I overheard a conversation accidently once. She told me the truth and I learned how much they hated me. I don’t have a 6 figure income but I make a living. I’m not an Ivy League graduate but I have my bachelor’s. I try my best to live an honest life and I try my best to be good everyday. I’m not the most special guy in the world but I think I am an ok guy. Our relationship wasn’t the same from that point on and thing started get to awkward. She felt sorry about how her parents treated me at first but I think she was soon frustrated about everything. I tried to be understanding of her but looking back I think I should have been a little more expressive of my feelings. To make long story short she asked me to come over to her apartment one day and she broke with me citing her parents’ displeasure for the reason. I was in such a shock that night I didn’t even say anything to her and I just left her apartment. It’s been 2 months since she broke up with me and we are both still single. I have called her a lot at first but I haven’t called her for about 5 weeks now. I want her back and I know that for sure. I’m ready to do anything to win her back but I need your help. Let me know if you need to know anything else and I will tell you. Thank you for your help coach.
Hello Steven,
You allowed yourself to become the culprit for everything that went wrong in your relationship and eventually your girlfriend bought into the idea as well and she dumped you. If there was a victim in what transpired after the meeting with her parents, it was you. I’m not saying that you should have made your girlfriend aware of how hurt you were, but you shouldn’t have treated her as if she was the victim of it all.
You should have let your girlfriend know that you felt disrespectful and that you didn’t deserve that. At the same time you should have also shown her the confidence in that you could prove them wrong. In another words, you should have made it clear that you were the victim of the personal assault carried out by her parents, but that you weren’t going to let them take your girlfriend away from you. You have to help her see the truth and not try to shield her from it.
You have to speak to her in person and I advise against any mind games. Tell her what I just told you and let her know that you now realize you allowed her parents to label you as a failure when it isn’t the truth. Have confidence in yourself Steven. You said yourself, you make a fine living, you are educated, and you are a good man, so don’t let her parents say otherwise. Tell her that you are not a failure, tell her you never stopped loving her, and tell her you are not giving up on her.
Every relationship is unique and so are the break ups. In your case, there should not be any sort of mind games played out and you just need to tell her the truth. But in order to do that you have to see the truth first, that is if you are going to make anyone else a believer of you. Believe in yourself Steven, you are good man and you will demand respect. Now go tell your girl the truth before it’s too late. You know where to find me if you would like to talk more, best of luck to you Steven.
well heres the thing, just last night she told me she was emotionaly unstable, she said she loves me and likes me an dthat jazz, but i fell hard. real hard. love hard, and she just says she cant handle it. but i wanna prove her wrong, i wanna be able to help her and stay close with her…..
Hello Coach. I need your guidance to get through a crisis which I have created and I would like to thank you first for helping me out. You have a remarkable site, I flipped through dozens of other sites but this is the only site that provides personal help and you give great advice. I hope you can do the same for me coach.
I was with my girlfriend or I guess my ex girlfriend for a little less than 4 years. I know every guy who end up getting dumped think their relationship was wonderful and out of nowhere it just went bad and I too believe that was my case. We fought once in our first 3 years and even that one fight lasted less than 5 minutes. We did have a great relationship.
The problems started when my ex girlfriend got pregnant and I freaked out instead being happy about it. We are in our mid twenties and we have talked about getting married and having children. I don’t know why but I freaked out when she said she was pregnant and even though I tried my best to fake my happiness, she saw right through me.
I wasn’t unhappy about it but there is a key difference between my girlfriend and me. My ex girlfriend never took care of a baby in her life and she doesn’t know the sort of responsibility involved in raising a child. I on the other hand have helped raise my nephew for 9 months and it wasn’t like I took care of him few hours a day, I took care of him full time 3 days a week for 9 months.
I don’t know why but as soon as she told me she was pregnant the first thing in my mind was the huge responsibility we had coming our way and I panicked. That lasted maybe for a minute and I honestly were happy after the initial shock. She was already hurt though and our relationship wasn’t the same from that day on. We argued a lot and sometimes we didn’t speak for days.
Sadly she had a miscarrieage in the 4th month of her pregnancy and I felt like a part of me was torn apart but she didn’t believe me. She accussed me of being happy about the miscarriage and one thing led to another and we broke up. It was actually her who broke up with me but I didn’t really try stopping her either. I was too tired from the constant fights we had.
It took me just few days to realize it was a mistake to let her go like and I knew I wanted her back. I wanted her back so badly I would go to bed crying for many days until one day I decided I was going to get her back. It’s been exactly 20 days since we broke up and I haven’t done a thing coach. I haven’t called her or tried to contact her in any way.
I don’t know how to contact her first and I don’t know what I will tell her if she answers my call. I’ve been reading some books and I tried searching for answers online but so far I haven’t really found the answers for my problem. So I come to you to ask you for your help because this is the most important thing I will do in my life.
I want her to know the truth of how I felt about the pregnancy and how hurt I was when we lost our baby. I want her back and I want her to know that coach. Can you help please? I am in love and I am desperate. Please I beg of you, please help. Thank you.
I suppose you are just venting, so I’ll just leave it at that. Good luck stranger.
Hello Jason,
I first would like to thank you for your kind words and complements. I do what I can to be of any help. Now let’s see if I can be of use to you to get you out of your predicament. I can somewhat relate to your story because something similar had happened to me in the past. This happened about 10 years ago with my ex girlfriend, she got all serious one day and told me she might be pregnant. I was still young and the news took me by surprise and I know my face was full of shock. Needless to say she was tremendously hurt by my reaction and our relationship took a downturn for it.
It turned out that she wasn’t pregnant, but the damage had been done already. If I look back and try to think about what specifically I did wrong and I think it wasn’t just my reaction to the news, but it was also the kind of language I used. You like to refer to the pregnancy as something that’s hers, for example, you said “my ex girlfriend got pregnant” and “she had a miscarrieage”. Your language makes it sound as if you weren’t part of it and I’m sure she felt the same way as well. The correct way of saying it is “we got pregnant” or “my ex girlfriend and I were pregnant”, and “we had a miscarriage”.
It matters how you say it, because she will believe that’s how you view the situation. Sometimes we say things without giving them much thought, but more often than not, we say it like we mean it. I read the way you describe your story and I think you are a decent guy and I also believe that you still love her. However, I have very little doubt that you did make the mistake of hurting her and I don’t believe it was an overreaction on her part. Pregnancy can’t be perceived the same way by both men and women. It is far more personal, scary, precious, and special for a woman and you can’t grasp those emotions as a man.
I do understand why you panicked, but my understanding has nothing to do with what’s right and wrong. I think you should have expected her to be very edgy, emotional, and untrusting of you for a while. Maybe she put you through some tough time after the incident, but you should have cut her a lot more slack than you had. Another thing is the miscarriage. Most men can’t even remember such incident after a few years, but for a woman the scar is left forever and it’s a painful memory that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. These things are very different for women and understandably so.
You first have to make the effort to understand why she was hurt so badly. Try to imagine carrying a life for four months and imagine for a moment that in all of those four months, you believed that the mother of the child did not welcome the child into the world. Then imagine losing that child and having to deal with that loss on your own. Whether you accept it or not, I know that you could have handled the situation better and she didn’t have to get hurt so badly. There is no mystery to why she broke up with you and I believe you must reach to her before it’s too late.
If you really love her, then heal her first. Make it a priority to let her know that you did want the baby and let her know, not met, but “let her” know that a piece of you died that they when you guys had the miscarriage. She needs to know these things and you will tell her about them regardless of whether or not she comes back to you, so she can heal and have a happy life. You know what needs to be done and there is nothing that is going make this process easier. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be difficult either, all you need to do really, is to tell her the truth.
Call her and meet her up. Tell her everything that’s in your mind in person and I want you to spill your guts to her. This is a woman who’s carried your child for four months, she will give you a chance to speak you mind. Call her right after you read this message and make things right with her. You know where to find me if you wish to talk more. Good luck Jason.
Hi Coach. I came back one last time to give you my thanks for everything you did for me. I think I took only a small chunk of your time compared to many other guys here, but I got all the answers I needed from you in just one message. I’ve made peace with everything that has happened between me and my ex girlfriend. I took some time to think about everything I did to her and I understood why she did what she did. She and I had some long conversatin after the last time I was here and apologized to each other and we foregave each other. I felt so happy to know that she finally believed how sorry I was for everything and she returned the favor by saying that she was sorry as well for the way she hurt me. We actually met up once and had our last talk. We cried, hugged, and we shared a kiss but we both understood it was time to go our separate ways. You were right coach, I had to heal her and heal myself at the same time. It hurt when we said goodbye but I was happier than sad because we finally understood each other. I feel good about everything and I just wanted to tell you about it. Thank you for everything coach and please don’t ever stop helping us out. You are a godsend for guys in situation like mine and I hope you know that. Goodbye coach.
Hello Jaime,
It’s been a long time. I appreciate you coming back to let me know of your well-being and I’m very happy to hear that you have made peace with the break up, with yourself, and with your ex girlfriend. I’m sure it must not have been easy on you, but you are strong willed person and you were able to do what needed to be done. I appreciate your kind complements and I will do my best to continue helping those seek my help. Take good care of yourself Jaime and have a wonderful life.
Hello Coach,
Compliments on such a good website, I’ve been looking for support on the web and was impressed by your considerate but direct responses. If you have time I’d appreciate your advice.
I used to live with my ex, I ended the relationship due to her anger management issues, but she was in therapy and I stayed friends with her. She seemed improved and I suggested given we obviously kept spending time together that we should try to reconcile. We did start seeing each other and she asked me for money for an overseas trip, I didnt give it to her. She returned and said she had feelings for someone else, a much younger guy but she hadnt slept with him. I got angry and she has since said I made the whole story up (but when she was drunk she was telling me about him and laughed in my face at how shocked and upset I was).
So, after sending a one page letter apologising for my anger but confirming I thought it was obviously a bad idea for us to try and get back together, I went no contact. After 5 weeks, she texted saying she realised she owed me money but didnt have my bank details. I replied saying ‘don’t worry about it, all the best’… Two weeks later she has texted again saying ‘hey, I hope you are OK, I didnt say I didnt want to never see you again, I wanted to be friends…’
It has been a few days, I havent replied, I don’t know what to say. When I split up with her I was considerate, helped her find a new place, I feel like she attacked me and brought someone else into it which was hurtful for me. I had a month of deep grief over this, I dreamt about her, I missed her… I’m glad she notices I’m not around now, she doesnt have many friends, I’m sure this young guy was half made up and if there was anything to it, she is feeling lonely now. I feel it is rude to not reply to her text, but I am not sure what to say. I don’t want to get back with her, I want her to miss me, I’m angry with her but miss her deeply. Any thoughts? Apologies, just needed to vent.
Hi coach. I don’t know if you remember me but I came here for your advice about a month ago. My ex girlfriend cheated on me twice in 5 years but I still loved her and I wanted her back. You told me I should forget about her and try to move on but I’m still finding it difficult to forget about her. I think you are right about her being a serial cheater but I just can’t help myself. If I caught her cheating on me twice in 5 years you could be right she might have cheat on me a lot more than two times. Do you think there’s anyway she could change? There has to be something that I can say or do for her that could make her understand I love her more than anything in this world. Maybe she was hurt before and maybe that is why she cheats. I know I sould really stupid but I can’t help but to think she could change. I don’t care if it takes many years coach if it means that I can get her back and If I can help her change. I believe she is a nice girl but there is something that is making her hurt me. I tried very hard to move on and for a while I thought I was starting to but lately I have been thinking about her all the time. I gotta do something about this and I want to give it another try. I want her back and I’m in love coach. I wish you can help me even if this is a stupid thing and give me a chance to see for myself if this is my mistake. I read many advice you given on this site and I know you could help me if you wanted to. I know you feel that she isn’t right for me but I really need to give it one last try. I’m very sorry to clutter up your board with my stupid rants coach. I hope you will help. Thank you.
Hello Daniel,
I think I understand the duality of the situation. I can see that you care deeply about this girl, but you are smart enough to understand that getting back with her wouldn’t be the prudent thing to do. You seem like a real nice guy and that is all the more reason why you should cut ties with her altogether. She’ll continually put you on these guilt trips and she’ll make your life miserable for as long as you keep in touch with her.
The last thing you want is to be stuck with someone who is always angry and the sentiment doesn’t change even if that is a condition. You can’t rely on her, confide in her, or even trust her, how would you ever have a lasting relationship with someone like that? I understand that she may be trying hard to get her life turned around, but I believe that’s something that she has to deal with on her own and with you being by her side she might even feel that she doesn’t need to change. It’s probably better for both of you to go your separate ways.
I know it is easier said than done, everything in life is and this is no exception. But you’ve done it for a month already and so the hardest part is already gone and past. You should move on from this girl and you’ve already taken the first step, which is the hardest one to take by the way. Instead of ignoring her texts, let her know that you do not want her contacting you in a polite manner. It’s not your job to worry about her life any longer. Let her go and start living your life. I wish you the very best of luck. Take care Daniel.
P.S. – Thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated
.
Hello Mark,
I do believe that people can change, but when it comes to serial cheaters, I just haven’t seen that many make real changes. Something or some event has to trigger that change within her and I don’t believe you are the person to make it happen. In some sick ways you are an enabler, because guys like you will forgive her for her infidelity without any consequences to her action. She’ll continue to behave as she has for as long as there are guys like you who will let her get her way on everything.
I’m sorry Mark, but I can’t help you. Whether or not I have the ability to help you win her back is not what is important here, but what’s important for me personally is that I spend whatever spare time I have on someone who has a relationship worth saving. I’m truly sorry that you are hurting so bad, but I wish that you can get past this experience and move on with your life. Good luck and goodbye.
Hey coach,
I was with my girlfriend for about a year. In that time, I broke up with her twice.
The first time was after six months in the relationship. I must admit that after a few months of being in the relationship, I started to be a jerk so that she would break up with me. Then it happened. We got into an argument and I had all the ammo I need to break up with her. I told her that I love her, but I was confused and I didn’t want to go on hurting one another. I told her, I didn’t know what the future holds. Then, about a month later, I got in touch with her and said I wanted to get back together. We made an agreement to work on things and not see other people, but we weren’t in relationship. Soon, after that everything was perfect.
Now, the second time we broke up. It was basically the same stituation. I was growing tired of being with her. I wanted to see other people, but I didn’t tell her that. So I just started being a jerk again and we had an argument where I dumped her again. This time though, I would call every few days for a booty call. See would come over and leave at my leisure. This lasted about a month. But eventually, I think this began to wear on her. Then one Friday, we were sexting all day and I was planning for her to come over. When I called her in the afternoon, she said that she had plans with friends and couldn’t break them. Of course I got angry and a text war started. I said that I would come after her, but of course I didn’t. She said that really scared her and after that she began to act weird. She began to say, she didn’t know if we should be together. That she had her guard up and that she couldn’t believe what I said. So of course I would call her and tell her it would work out. But she would just say that she is hurt and resentful and that she is not going to let me back into her life. Over this time, I would call or text once a week. In the beginning when trying to get her back, I did make some mistakes, such as begging for her to come back, buying flowers and taking her away for a weekend.
So now I realize that I should just avoid her and work on myself. I know I want her back for real this time. But don’t know how to proceed. Should I disappear and call in a few weeks. I don’t know if she is seeing someone else. When I asked her, she said it wasn’t about THAT, its about us.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks,
Hi Coach,
Thank you for your reply, really good advice and I just wanted to say thank you.
Best regards,
Daniel
Hi guys,
Over the last month or so I am been experiencing pain from a breakup with my long distance girlfriend of 5 months.(I’m 30 and she is 27) I know 5 months is not very long but we hit things off pretty quickly and from that point we enjoyed every moment spent with each other. She had been in a history of bad relationships and expressed to me often how lucky she felt to have found me and spoke very highly of me to her friends and family. We had planned to do things in the future despite the distance making things difficult and she had also expressed that she hated the distance element of not being able to see enough of me. About 7 weeks ago she had booked flights to come and spend the weekend with me in my home town and sounded excited about it. Five days later shes phones me to tell me that she has bad news and won’t be coming to see me throwing up all kinds of silly excuses. To top that off she still made the trip over but stayed with her cousin instead!
During her weekend trip we did meet up and chatted about things which didn’t really help matters as I discovered that she had started seeing someone back home. She mentioned that their feelings had been growing for each other (we had only been broken up for a couple of weeks by this stage!), that we had nothing in common(we enjoyed everything we did together – sport, cooking, site seeing, walks, film, jogging), that we argued a lot…it seemed like she was just saying these things to either annoy or upset me. Then she mentioned that we should have been friends first for this to work properly – so why date for 5 months and say this now?! How are people supposed to meet and date in the first place? She had mentioned a few times before that “its wonderful that we have so much to learn about each other!”
We chatted briefly again before she left for home and she said she dosn’t know how things would pan out or what her feelings would be. I told her that I was offered a new job close to where she lives and may decide to take that position. We texted briefly and she said it was only the distance that kept things from working out for us. The other night I bumped into her friend and she told me my ex was silly to have left me and she is now “in love” with her new guy. I know the distance was tough but I feel angry with the way she treated me in basically flicking the switch and jumping to a new fella in an instant. I have tried to start dating a girl recently but I still think about my ex and I probably shouldn’t be giving her a second thought but the frustration is always there in the background. I haven’t initiated any contact now with her for about 6 weeks – have come close to texting her or sending an email but resisted. I don’t know if this is a rebound relationship or proper love with the new guy…but if I decide to move to the new job should i contact her? How should I contact her if I really want to? Do I wait it out for her to contact me? Would appreciate any advice guys. Thanks.
Hello da_rqk,
Let’s get real here, you don’t love your ex girlfriend. You get bored of her every few months because you think you can do better, but after breaking up, reality told you otherwise and you soon found out no other girls were willing to put out for you.
You weren’t even in a relationship with her and you got angry at her for not canceling her plans with her friends to put out for you. Yeah, I think that would make most girls creep out and I don’t see how you will ever have another chance with her.
You treated her like an object, as if she was your personal sex toy and no self-respecting woman will ever put up with a bullshit like that. Become a better man, a better person, and then perhaps women will start to show you some respect.
Hi Daniel,
Thank you for your kind words. It’s good to know that there is still some use for me
. You have a wonderful life Daniel and take good care of yourself.
Hi everyone,
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 3 years. This fall shell be a freshman in college and I’ll be a senior in high school. She said she wants a casual relationship and just wants to feel things out. She said she still wants me to text and call her and she wants to hangout and hook up. She’s not the type of girl who will hook up with everyone when she goes to school and she said she doesn’t want tO look for anyone else to date. She also said maybe in the future things will work out so we can be official boyfriend and girlfriend. I don’t know if I should be friends and do this casual relationship thing or if it’s better for me to try and convince her to be official boyfriend and girlfriend before she leaves for school. We were best friends before we started dating so I was thinking maybe if I kept hanging out with her and being a good friend to her in the end she’d realize she still wants to go out. Its been a week since we broke up and i havent seen her or talked to her and have been trying to give her space. Its just getting really hard imagining her hooking up with other guys even though she’s never been “loose” with other guys. I just dont know what my next move should be coach. Any opinions or advice please?
we were also always a really happy couple^