I remember when my girlfriend of 3 years had dumped me, I couldn’t think straight and I felt uneasy every day, every hour, and every minute that she wasn’t by my side. Are you experiencing similar emotions? If so, I think I can help you get your ex girlfriend back.
The first challenge to get your girlfriend back will be to free yourself from all the negative emotions built up inside you. For one thing, you are feeling uneasy. I also know you feel desperate. And lastly, you probably feel much haste in getting her back. Keeping your emotions in check will play a major role in winning your ex back and you will have to get it done no matter what it takes.
If you have the means to take a trip to that vacation spot you’ve always dreamed of, make it happen. You may think that going on a trip on your own would only get you down, but getting away from the everyday life and as far away from your ex girlfriend as possible, will do wonders in normalizing your emotions. No matter where the vacation spot, time away from the stress of everyday life has a way of making people look at life with a more positive view and you will come back from it full of energy, ready to tackle any task at hand.
It’s not the end of the world for you even if you can’t take the trip as advised. As wonderful as it was to have a girlfriend, it also meant that you had to sacrifice some things to make the relationship work. For example, you may be a video game fanatic, but having a girlfriend means you spend that much less time playing games and spending that time with your girlfriend. Do you like to play any sports? Well, it’s also the time issue and the same can be said as the example above.
you watch this video
Take this opportunity to do whatever that makes you happy. Go ahead, hang out with your buddies all day long and come back home as late as you want without having to explain yourself to your girlfriend. Situations can seem very different depending on the attitude you have towards it. How you choose to view your current situation will have major impact on whether or not she comes back to you.
When you can truly enjoy a day without dreading about the possibility that your girlfriend might not come back, this would be the time to contact her again. Don’t think about what you are going to say and just make the call. Trust yourself, because you are no longer the desperate man who has just been dumped, and just go with the flow of the conversation.
When my girlfriend dumped me, this was mainly how I got her to come back. Of course I’m oversimplifying things and there were some other tactics I used as well, but this was the most basic and the most important part of my strategy. It’s about having the right mindset to tackle such stressful and challenging situation. If you don’t have the willingness to grow stronger, then you might as well give up right now. For those of you who are willing to do just about anything to get your girlfriend back, it is not too late and for most of you, there still is a way.
Do you feel like you are up to the challenge? You are still with me, so I think it’s a safe bet that you are ready to step it up. Take the initiative and educate yourself on this matter with professional “ex back” guides. I recommend the “Ex Recovery System” and you can Click Here to check out video presentation about the guide.
Hey coach
I think you’re right, she actually called me today for the first time in months and asked for her stuff and wants me to come get my stuff from her house. As much as I never thought this could happen, I think its time to move on and just enjoy anything that comes my way. We had a great relationship but all good things must come to an end I guess. I am only 20 so I know there are great things to come in my life and God has blessed me with everything I could have ever asked for. I am really thankful that you took the time out and console me through this tough time. You are right, I can’t keep hoping and wondering for a future with this girl when she does in fact seem pretty happy with him so I wish nothing but the best for her and her future endeavors even if it means without me. I know deep down that I fought for her with everything I had and she won’t anyone else that would be willing to fight like I did, but once again thank you for everything and if anything else pops up i’ll be back.
Hey Dave,
The feeling you had about cheating your son for expressing your love for the girls, it is not a poor excuse and I think it’s a natural response of a loving father. I think any new stepfather with his own child would make the same mistake and the only thing I would fault you on, would be that you didn’t correct the mistake even when you realized you were making them. But merging two families is not an easy task and as much as I blame you for how things transpired, I can’t help but to empathize with you on how difficult it must have been for you to conceal the love for the girls, to feel that you were being fair to your own son.
If I could talk a little bit about your ex fiancé’s concern that the change wouldn’t be permanent and her disbelief that people could change from one extreme to another. I think she makes a good argument, but it lacks the human aspect of how things work. I don’t just think, but I know that people can change from one extreme to another. However, it is not our entire (habitual) behavior that changes at the flick of a switch. It takes time for behavioral changes to take place, but what truly matters is our intent and our attitude and they can change instantly the moment we realize what we truly want for ourselves.
Let me tell you a short story about myself. I once got into accident that put me in the hospital for a month and kept me bedridden for nearly 6 months. I had gained about 80 pounds by the time I was done with rehab and was able to move normally again. Long story short, no one wants to hire a dating coach who is obese and my personal life took a downturn for it as well. I was disheartened and for a while there I had just given up on life. But you know, I woke up one day and I had a completely different attitude about the situation I was facing. I knew I was going to go back to my old self no matter how hard I had to try.
So my intent and my attitude did a complete 180 in one morning, but as the days went by, I realized my (habitual) behaviors were a bit slower to catch up. I was bigger, so I couldn’t jog for as long as I had in the past, and I tired easily. I developed a habit of overeating and I found myself still eating a bit too much once or twice a week, but slowly but surely I was getting healthier. It took me a full year to completely revert back to the healthy lifestyle I had pre-accident and the moral of the story is, that the intent and the attitude are what dictates who we are and the (habitual) behaviors will follow if they hold true.
Tell her that you understand her reluctance to believe that people can change dramatically in almost an instant, but explain to her that you are not looking for an instant fix, therefore your intent is change for the better and your attitude is to work for every little positive change you make and learn through mistakes along the way. The trust that you will have to earn, the love you that will have give, and the changes that you will make, they will all have to be earned the hard way overtime, but the person who is going to make them happen and wants to make them happen is already here. That change can and has already happened in you.
No matter how well you think the conversation is going, do not try to convince her to stay with you, that, she has to do on her own and without you persuading her to do so. Erase, empty, expunge, and obliterate all your desire to make her see things your way, persuasion is a form of manipulation and people don’t take too kindly of being manipulated. Your fiancé seems like a wonderful woman and she seems to have a very high practical intelligence. Trust me when I say this, people like your fiancé are deceptively smart and the last thing you want is to play mind games with them. She is highly accommodating and tolerant, not because she’s a dumb hippie, but I think it’s because people like her are able to think on a higher plain than most of us. You rarely find people who can transcend the materialistic view of reality.
About your son, I think you would want your son to grow up as a man who would be proud to see his father having loved his two step daughters as his own, and it would be tragic if he would grew up to hate you for loving anyone else but him. I think that you will have the greatest influence on how he perceives this rather different family structure than most other kids around him. If you speak to him, treat him, and behave around him as if it’s a betrayal to your son to love the girls, then that’s the truth he will grow up with. On the other hand, If you could show him the beauty in complete strangers coming together and becoming a family and how he is part that beauty as well, I think there is a good chance that he will grow up to the man his father can be, or maybe you already are that man.
So Dave, speak to her and don’t persuade her. Don’t cry anymore, the girls already know you are hurting and now it’s time to show them you are back on your feet. It seems like they are already out of your house even though their new home isn’t ready for them yet, then instead of trying to convince her to move back, perhaps the right approach would be to try to have a get together just to have some family fun. You want them to move back in because they truly want to give it another shot at becoming a family and not because they feel sorry for you or because you made the deal sweeter.
Stop dragging this poor Dave image around the girls and start proving to them that you are a changed man. I think there is a part of your fiancé that wants to make things work with you again, but you have to remember she gave you many years to figure things out and you have failed her. It is only reasonable to think that it would take some time for her to trust you again and to trust that you truly have changed. Don’t call her all sad and talk to her like the usual happy Dave (you are normally a happy man, right?) and try to keep the calls short and thoughtful. You can’t really put numbers to these things, but I think it would OK to call her a couple of times a day, as long as you keep the calls short.
You have to believe that the truth will shine in the end. Take one day at a time and use common sense to tweak your approach to things, your constant will be the truth and it will guide you well. You can tell a lot about a man by his writing and I can say with good confidence that you are a smart and a reasonable man. There’s no one else who is more qualified to fix your situation than you, so believe in yourself and in the truth. I have to and I want to believe that you will bring the family back together. I am rooting for you more than I had for my 90s Knicks and that’s coming from a season ticket holder of 5 years. Best of luck to you, Dave. You know where to find me if you wish to talk more. Goodbye.
Hey coach,
Thank you for responding to me on fathers day. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I thought that after I recieved a responce to my last email, I would be done talking with you for a bit. Abviously that is not the case. I talked with my ex fiance yesterday evening. I called her because I had not talked with her for a couple of day, I saw that she had posted some pictures on FB of our dog sporting his new hair cut, I wanted to see how she was doing, how the girls were doing, and I just wanted to here her voice. She did not answer, but she called back after a bit. I was so excited to her from her, we talked about the dog, his dislike for his old dog food, the girls, and other small items. It was good, I had no intentions of talking to her about anyhting other than just to see how things were going, well, as we were talking I starting telling her about some book that I had been reading, book on getting back together, and stepparenting for dumbies. I asked her if she would like me to stop talking about it, as I didnt have any intentions on talking with her about anything other than small talk. She said no thats fine go ahead. So I proceeded to tell her about what I had been reading about, I told her how it had been helping be understand what has been going on and how I can use it to better my self. I asked her about a consler that she had seen a few years back, because I am looking for a local counselor to talk with to help me better my self and deal with my issue. As we continoued talking I felt inclined to tell her about the chats that I had been having with you. I told her that I had been conversing via emails, I asked her if she wanted me to not talk about it and she said no it fine. At this point you might think I am nuts to share this with her but I felt the need to share with and I dont have anything to hide from her. I was going to read it all to her but she suggested that I email them to her so that she could read them. I siad ofcourse, I asked her to give me a call after she read through it all and give me her thoughts. She said she would, so after a few more minutes of talking I told her good night and she did as well. About an hour later she called me back and said that she had read our conversations, she said that she thought I was placing to much blame on the kids for our situation,(the kids are still an important part as I have lined out before) (that is me saying that) she started telling me how she had been feeling about the ex wife and how I have stood up for the ex wife over her. She gave lots of instances and examples, all of which are true. I agreed with her 100% beacuse she is right and it only now that I can see my actions and how they have affected her. She is right in her feelings, she is not into games, her heart is as honest as the day is long. I will give you example, this is pretty harsh it will show you how I was not thinking of mt ex fiances feelings. My son lives in Phoneix, he races motorcycles, so I wanted to fly down to see him, times were a little tight on money so the ex wife offered to let me and my son stay at her house while I was down and she would go stay with some friends, bad idea. I didnt see the problem with that at that time, but I do now. It really hurt my ex fiance, rightly so. How dumb and inconsiderate was I not be thinking about the woman who means the entire world to be. That is probably the worst instance but I dont want to sugar coat anyhting. My ex fiance has issue with how I would cower for a beter lack of terms to the ex wife and let walk all over me and say negative things about my fiance and the girls and I would let it go. I was not doing my job as her fiance to stick up for her and her feelings. I have had issues with the ex wife because I didnt want to argue with her and take the chance of loosing the oppertunties to see my son. When we got divoreced it took 19 months and I lost everything, I had to pay maintaince with child support, all her attornys bills, etc. the list goes on and then at the end when I was broke she told me she was moving to AZ, she moving 1100 miles away with my son. There was not a damn thing I could do about it because I was flat broke, I didnt know how I was going to pay any of my bills, so I couldnt go back to court I didnt have the money. So this has always made me submissive to situations with the ex wife, she has no problem using my son as a bargining chip. I say all of this not for an excuss or for sympothy but to let you know the fact, I could have stood up to her but I chose not to, I could have stood up for my ex fiance but I didnt. Well coach that is truly over, I will not lay down anymore, I will not let her walk on my ex fiance, or the girls. I have already started putting my foot down with the ex wife and it feel pretty damn good. I believe there are other issue to deal with here, I know the ex wife is one, the girls as oulined before are an issue, as well others to come. When I was talking with my ex fiance last night I asked her to share more of her feeling with me, she couldnt last night, but she said that she would write me a letter with all of her feelings. I asked her to do this so that I know what I need to improve to become a better person as well I need to make the wrongs rite with her. I asked her if she would go to counsling with me not necessarly as a couple but so that see can get it all out, so I know what I need to work on. She said that she would think about it. Well coach I have been rambling, I am sure there are many more details and many more instances, but I thing I have the just of it. Coach my ex means the world to me, it kills me to see the pain I have caused. She is the most honest, sincere, thoughtful, and loving girl in the world. I dont feel that I am taking to much blame for any of this. I see my mistakes, they are all valid. I will do anyhting to make them right for her, the girls, my son, and for me. I am not a bad person, nor is she. I just lost my way and didnt realize it until now, and believe with help I can get my bearings back, hopefully with the love of my life by my side. Thank you for listening coach.
Dave
Hey Alex,
20 is a wonderful age to be. So much is possible and there’s so much to look forward to. You’ll be fine Alex. You handled yourself with class throughout everything for the past three months and you should be proud of yourself for that. Take good care of yourself and come back anytime you need someone to talk to. Goodbye Alex.
Hey coach, I need to add that when I was talking to my ec fiance about staying at the ex wifes house, she said she didnt want me to stay, there, I belive she asked me not to stay there. I cannot remeber exactly the words but rhe point is she expressed her feeilings and I argued with her about it, I said something to the effect that I would call my son and tell him that I couldnt stay there. Basically I dug mt heels in, disrespected hear feelings, her emtions, add tried to make her feel guilty. There were funds available for a motel but I didnt see the problem. That is not the point, the poit is that I did not handle it the way I should have, I should not have ever thought about staying there and disrespecting my ex fiance. She asked me not to and that should have more than enough reason not to stay at the ex wifes house. Hope you catch this with my last responce.
Dave
Hey Dave,
After reading your last two messages a couple of times, I did a little experiment with myself to prove a point to you. On a piece of paper, I outlined some of my biggest failures and some of my biggest achievements in life from the age of 21. It took me a good 15 minutes to come up with a good size list and I couldn’t help but to gaze at the failures side of the list. There were many, boy were there many… and some of them made me blush even though it has been years since those mistake were made. But after the initial moment of shame had passed, I was OK with my mistakes. I like the way I turned out and I wouldn’t be who I am today without having made those mistakes.
I see the way you feel about the mistakes you have made and we are already seeing a better man for it. We are only human and we’ll continue to make mistakes for as long as we hold on to our humanity. For better or worse, that’s what people do, they make mistakes and they learn from them. I think your fiancé is starting to see this in you and her latest offer to write a letter to you gives me lots of hope. The fact that she is making complaints, the fact that she is pointing out other problems, and the fact that she wants to tell you those things, I think it’s a very hopeful sign.
I think you did the right thing by being completely honest with her about everything. The books and our chats, I just know that giving her the entire truth is not only the right thing to do, but also the best way for you to resolve your situation. She pointed out to you that you put too much blame on the issues of the girls and now we have a better understanding of the problem in its entirety. It’s OK to not have full grasp of the problems for as long as you can talk about them and gain knowledge through discussion. Your ex wife was and is still is a problem, but you recognize your failures and you are making the necessary changes to make it a non-issue.
I know your fiancé and the girls are very important to you and I understand you have become emotional about this issue. But I want you to be very smart on how you deal with your ex wife and try to work through problems, instead of banging heads with her. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stand your ground or that you shouldn’t defend your fiance’s honor, but it’s always better to deal with the ex spouse with a businesslike demeanor. I know it’s not as easy as said, but try to keep a good balance of order, because you will be just as miserable if your ex wife made it difficult to see your son.
I don’t think I am reaching when I say that your fiancé wants to make things work with you. It’s going to take time and it’s probably better if things happen gradually, but what’s important is that she is turning around. Keep a positive attitude and never fret while conversing with her. There will come a time when you can once again speak to her about your own problems or sadness, but now it’s not the time. Keep it simple and don’t try to plan ahead for everything, the best way to achieve this is by simply being honest with your fiancé.
You have done well by not bringing up every issue that you want dealt with and you have to continue being patient. Even if you have all the solutions to every single problems you guys ever had, if you bring them up to her all at once, then she’ll be overwhelmed and feel burdened by them. Books are good and our chats might help too, but the best way to solve this situation is by figuring things out with her and that makes you the most qualified person to fix this thing. You know how to reach me if you wish to talk more. Talk to you soon then, take care.
P.S. – I apologize for the late replay Dave. I have been receiving more questions than I can handle within an ideal time frame. I am fortunate to be semi-retired at a young age (I work when I want and I only take jobs that I like), but lately this site has been keeping me busier than I’ve ever been in the past ten years. In any case, I just wanted you to know that your message is very important to me. I want this to work out for you and I’m rooting for your success. I will help you in any way that I can, so don’t hesitate to come back whenever you need someone to talk to.
Hey coach
I just wanted your opinion on something real quick that happened with me and my ex the other day. So I took you’re advice and am currently trying to move on, but last night actually my ex calls me at around 1 am. I don’t answer because I didn’t want to talk because i knew it wasn’t something that I would want to hear and I didn’t want it to hinder my chances of getting over her. So she calls me back 7, YES 7 more times throughout that night or early morning, so 8 times total.
Didn’t answer once so this morning when i woke up i checked my voice mails and i had 8 of them. Well it was her friend (male) talking and I could hear her and her boyfriend talking and laughing in the background in every message. They were obviously drunk well cause they told me they were. They started talking crap about how it was my fault that I let a good girl like her go like that and that I ruined a great relationship and that I won’t find anyone better than her. He kept going saying that her and her new man are going to get married and live together and that she loves him more than she loves me and that our 4 year relationship was a rebound from her ex or current boyfriend lol!! I found it humorous honestly. There was plenty more, I just didn’t really pay attention and it was hard to understand cause like I said they were drunk. To me it sounds like she is still upset about our fight that led to the break up and that she still thinks about me because here she is hanging out with her new boyfriend that she apparently loves but still calls me in front of him to tell me all that shit when she is drunk. Am I wrong? And trust me I am not hoping that this is a first sign that she might want me back, I just wanted you’re opinion on the whole matter. I am mature enough not retaliate to it, I am a bigger man than that and have far more important things than to deal with it. Just like to hear you’re opinion. Thank you!
Hey Alex,
You are most definitely right brother. You are too mature and too good to retaliate to such pitiful attempt of hers to try to retake control of the situation. Think about it Alex. Instead of enjoying their time together and going about their own business, their interest is fully fixated on you.
How much do you think she would have had to yap about you to her current boyfriend that even he felt the need to play this ridiculous mind game of hers? Drunk or not they called you eight times! You know that that tells me, they really weren’t that drunk, that drunk act is only an excuse to not look as pathetic as they have, because they know they are being truly pathetic.
Someone who is really over you wouldn’t give a damn about you. And the boyfriend, WOW! He’s a classic, isn’t he? LMAO~ That worthless piece of shit has zero and I mean zero self-respect. Her current boyfriend feels so insecure about himself that he needs you to tell him you are still not over her. Mad props for you for not letting them have their way brother.
Fuck them Alex. Now you go out knowing those two idiots are miserable in their own feces and you can continue on moving on with your life to something more worthwhile. You wanted my opinion on the matter, right? Well, you got my respect brother. I’ll be here if you want to talk more, take care of yourself Alex.
One-on-one help has been moved to our brand new forum. Please register to receive one-on-one coaching. ==>Forum< ==